I don’t know from the time of what, after everyone reached a general consensus that [babies born smoothly are better than babies born by caesarean section], this vision was derived:
Mothers who choose Caesarean section will be considered [unwilling to bear the pain of giving birth to a baby], and their temporary relaxation will affect the health of their children.
In fact, no matter which mode of production is chosen, whether it is active or passive, it will not affect the greatness of the role of mother.
Today’s article comes from a second treasure mother who had her first caesarean section. She said all the things the mother wanted to say.
Accidentally fell to the bottom of the chain of disdain
The second child will be unloaded in two months, and the stomach is getting bigger and bigger, so that passers-by no longer need to carefully judge whether I am pregnant or fat. So when walking around after meals every day, pregnancy has become the key for me to open the chatterboxes with ladies of all ages in the community.
Whenever I learn that I am pregnant with a second child, the next question for most experienced ladies is: “Is the eldest brother dissected or smooth?” ]
Every time I hear this question, my heart thumps and I answer with a guilty conscience: [dissected.] Then I immediately add: [I want to follow it, but the fetal position is not good enough to follow it.]
Why do you have to add one sentence? Because I already have experience, every time I learn that my first child was delivered by Caesarean section, the eyes of the ladies immediately change. Some of them look sorry, as if I had missed a great thing in my life. Some have a look of [you know], and add a “good day of choice in what” or “it really hurts to give birth smoothly”.
Therefore, I must let everyone know that I had to choose Caesarean section, so as to quell everyone’s misunderstanding of me.
After many experiences of such things, I cannot help but begin to reflect: Caesarean section is not wrong. Why should I feel guilty? When I heard that I had a caesarean section, why did they look like that? I was forced to have a Caesarean section, but should those mothers who voluntarily choose a Caesarean section be condemned?
In the past two years, there have been one chain of disdain after another in the parenting circle, of which the mode of production is a very important one:
Normal delivery + dystocia > ordinary normal delivery > painless delivery > passive caesarean section > active caesarean section
Other chains of disdain include:
Feeding disdain chain: breast milk feeding > breast milk bottle feeding > milk powder.
Raising the chain of disdain: bring it yourself > the old man’s help > the old man’s return to his hometown > the aunt’s help.
… …
Admittedly, the way at the top of the disdain chain has scientific basis, and its benefits are beyond doubt. There are too many popular science articles on the advantages and disadvantages of natural delivery and caesarean section, so I will not repeat them here. In short, compared with natural delivery, caesarean section has many disadvantages and risks.
But among these drawbacks and risks, is it necessary for us to artificially add the [despised] clause?
This is not a popular science article, and I have no intention of overturning the verdict for Caesarean section. I just want to list the following points to tell mothers who have Caesarean section, whether active or passive, Caesarean section will not reduce points for you to be a good mother.
The mode of production is privacy.
My husband is a doctor. Once I complained to him and explained for half a day because of Caesarean section, he gave me advice:
[Cesarean section is your operation history. The operation history is your personal privacy. Others have no right to know. Next time they ask you again, you have the right not to answer.]
Although this is a very straight man’s method, it does inspire me-yes, Shun still dissects this problem, just like how high the salary is and how much the deposit is, it is all private!
However, the problem is that in the hearts of the ladies in the community, they can talk about everything except property-related issues.
Don’t say shun or dissected, if you are dissected, they will also ask you how the knife edge recovers and looks like what. If you are shun, they will also ask you if you have torn, lateral cut or leaked urine…
To be honest, if I hadn’t been reminded, I would have participated in the discussion with everyone, but when I realized that these were actually quite private topics, the more I thought about them, the more uncomfortable I felt.
Of course, for the sake of stability and unity in the community, when asked such questions, we still have to crustily skin of head to answer. But at least we can be self-disciplined, don’t make shallow remarks, unless close relatives and friends, otherwise some questions or don’t ask.
Caesarean section is the product of scientific and technological development.
Although there are many drawbacks, caesarean section is indeed the most reasonable choice besides natural labor, helping or even saving many parturients.
In ancient times, when my uterus could not be opened for 48 hours after breaking the water, I might not be able to save my life. Now with the choice of caesarean section, I have the chance to sit here and have a second child and write articles.
Even if it is not my situation, some parturients have a strong fear of natural childbirth, and some parturients want to choose a good birthday for their children, which was impossible in the past. Now they can make their own decisions after weighing the pros and cons.
In any case, we Caesarean mothers should all thank this technology. Its disadvantages are that we have to bear or decide to bear, so we should not be ashamed of making this choice.
A good mother is not defined by the mode of production.
The time to struggle with the mode of production should be before rather than after the production. Having children is only the first step in the Long March. Next, mothers will have to devote themselves to the process of intense self-recovery and child rearing.
Caesarean section does have certain effects on the respiratory system and immune system of newborns, but this effect is by no means decisive. The physical and mental health of children mainly depends on innate genes and acquired family and social upbringing.
Neither caesarean section nor natural delivery can define whether you are a good mother. In fact, there has never been a single standard for a good mother.
Some mothers are careful and considerate and can take care of their children in every way.
Some mothers are open-minded and can become friends for their children’s whole life.
Some mothers have successful careers, which are the pride and role models of their children.
These mothers must have some regrets and shortcomings in their children’s growth, but no one can deny that they are all good mothers.
The only criterion I don’t agree with is to judge whether a good mother is a good mother by how much suffering she has suffered. There are some mothers who always emphasize how bitter they are when their children grow up.
[I had a difficult labor when I gave birth to you, but I still insisted on not having a caesarean section for your sake, just like I died once.]
[If it weren’t for giving up business to take you and me, our family wouldn’t be so tight now.]
[I endured not divorcing your father for you, and I felt wronged all my life.]
… …
Not to mention whether these unilateral sacrifices are appropriate or not, I think this is not a good mother’s practice just to talk about them for decades in order to kidnap children for filial piety and obedience.
A little far, in short, no matter whether you give birth smoothly or by Caesarean section, as long as you fulfill your duty as a mother and let yourself and your children grow up physically and mentally, you are a good mother. What others think of you can’t control, but at least you don’t have to feel inferior and blame yourself for Caesarean section.
Why do women embarrass women?
To be honest, in this chain of parenting and disdain, participants and bystanders are all women-mothers, grandmothers and grandmothers, and there is no male what.
I remember when I complained to my husband, he asked me very puzzled:
[You are tired enough to take the children to work. How can you still have the energy to compare with others? Who doesn’t want to take care of the children? But the situation in each family is different, like what? ]
I once wrote a sentence in the article: The biggest problem of women’s rights in China is not the discrimination between men and women, but the discrimination between women.
What puzzles me even more is that the criterion for women to discriminate against each other is not how successful their careers are, how knowledgeable they are, how wonderful their lives are, but how much sacrifice they make for their families and how much self they lose.
Under the binding of these chains of disdain, it is really difficult for Chinese women to improve their status.
As a mother, we have already spent a lot of time and energy on our children every day. In our spare time, we can work, read, exercise, meet friends, go shopping and sing karaoke. There are too many interesting things to do, but we should not spend time evaluating whether others are good mothers.
However, it is still the same sentence. We cannot control others. We may not be able to break these chains of disdain that have existed for many years, but we can at least let ourselves jump out of them, stop worrying about it and do something more meaningful.
As for the two treasures to be born, if possible, I am willing to try to give birth smoothly, but this is only for the sake of the health of the child and myself, and is by no means to make a turnaround in the chain of disdain.