[The eldest brother is raised according to books and the second is raised according to pigs], this sentence perfectly explains the mental changes of mothers from their first child to their second child.
When I was a mother for the first time, I had no experience at all. I had to learn so much about parenting and had no teacher to teach me. I had to find articles from various parenting books and public numbers to recharge my batteries.
At that time, the diligence was comparable to that of the college entrance examination.
When I was a mother for the second time, I was familiar with many things, so the eldest brother was much better than the second.
We invited Xiao Tuda Orange, who has just been upgraded to be a mother of a second child, to share some of her little insights after giving birth to a second child.
01 More Experienced
When giving birth to the eldest child, although I also read some parenting books in advance, I forgot about what I read during pregnancy after giving birth to the baby. In addition, due to the differences between theory and practice, I was still at a loss when encountering problems.
At that time, the information on the Internet was still uneven and there were not as many reliable information platforms as there are now.
Milk baby in the middle of the night, is busy in the search:
Is spitting milk abnormal?
What should Baba look like?
How do you judge whether you are full or not?
Is it cold compress or hot compress for rising milk?
Is the rash eczema or prickly heat?
…….
Anyway, it is all kinds of sorrow, all kinds of ignorance, mental stress. Screening information, also took many detours, naturally also can’t have a good rest.
This time I gave birth to my second child, I am also an old driver. Some common problems are often encountered in my daily work and I am very familiar with them. There are really thorny things, and I also know where to find information, saving a lot of time.
The key is not to be so flustered and worried, and the psychological pressure is less.
The strength has increased.
I remember when I was the first child, I tried to hold the baby for the first time and put it down and shook my hand for a while.
At that time, even after feeding milk and belching, I felt very difficult to carry on my shoulder and could not last long.
Weak heart is the saddest, physical exhaustion, people are especially prone to irritability and frustration.
In recent years, the strength of the arm has grown with the growth of the eldest brother. Now it is like playing with a newborn weighing a few kilograms.
Physical strength is too important to take care of children.
03 Mentality Better,
When I gave birth to the eldest child, I became a mother for the first time. Influenced by some forums and books, I was paranoid about exclusive breast milk and worked hard to chase it. The key was that I was very anxious. I felt humbled for a day after adding formula milk, and I always felt very unwilling.
When I gave birth to my second child, it was different. I relaxed a lot. I tried hard to feed but didn’t insist on it. On the contrary, this time the amount of milk was still larger than before. I realized exclusive breast milk before the full moon.
Compared with the nursing state of the eldest brother and the second brother, I can feel that I was probably a little hungry last time, but this time I can eat.
The concept of child-rearing has also changed, not BLX, not so panic when hearing crying, not blindly pursuing intimate child-rearing.
More because of the existence of the eldest brother in the family, the whole family’s energy is scattered, they will not pay too much attention to the small ones, and the atmosphere is relatively relaxed.
04 will even coax to sleep,
In the first few months of the eldest brother’s birth, I knew almost nothing about sleep, and a small amount of sleep knowledge was still seen from Sears Encyclopedia of Intimate Parenting.
The book says that it is natural to sleep with milk and can give her a sense of security.
As an enthusiastic novice, accept the information indiscriminately and then perform to the extreme:
Hold for several hours a day, cry and plug milk, anyway, as needed, go to the toilet is not steadfast, for fear that baby cry even for a while.
Tired to death, I moved myself and gained a sleeping baby?
There is no……
On the contrary, I tossed out the sleeping residue with my own hands.
This time it’s different. Sleep is my job. I have answers, feed and take good care of it, and then give my baby a chance to try to fall asleep by myself. I don’t rely on milk sleep and embrace sleep, and I don’t do too much intervention.
When I was old, the small bed was idle all the time, piling up sundries and squeezing three people into one bed. Teammates often suffer from insomnia, afraid of pressing their children or being squeezed to wake up.
This time, even if it was troublesome to nurse at night, everyone was at ease by insisting that Eva sleep in a small bed.
Eva sleeps more, adults can get rest, and also avoid a lot of anxiety caused by coaxing sleep.
05 No confinement
This birth was smoother than the first one, suffered less offense, suffered less psychological trauma, and could not lie down. Tears streamed down my face at the thought of that scene.
The last time I cut the side to the full moon, it was still very painful. If I pulled it carelessly, it was like being shocked and grinned with pain. But this time it was torn, and after a week I didn’t feel much.
I didn’t follow the rules of lying down, not taking a bath, not going out, etc. I lived normally. On the contrary, I felt less weak, and my mood and physical strength recovered faster due to my activities.
Usually, I bring my own baby, which is busy but full. I do many things by myself and can make my own decisions. On the contrary, I don’t have to lie down and worry like the first baby.
06 More willing to spend money on children,
I have prepared a lot of items that I am not willing to use or do not know how to use. It is said that raising babies is like upgrading the fight against monsters. There is a very important prerequisite for fighting against monsters, that is, there must be equipment.
When the eldest brother was not willing to buy anything, he almost even ran naked, thinking that he could use love to generate electricity. The so-called “if a worker wants to do a good job, he must first sharpen his tools”. Without equipment, he is naturally extremely tired.
This time it is different, such as diaper table, rocking chair, swing, pacifier, swaddling clothes, camera, back towel and so on are all ready.
The diaper table does not cost the waist, and it is also convenient to touch it.
The rocking chair is not awkward to nurse every day, but also has support.
Eva can play in the swing when she is awake, instead of being held by human flesh all the time.
If you are full and want to smoke and play, pacifiers can help.
It is more practical to sleep with swaddling clothes.
With the camera, people don’t have to stay in the house…….
A comparison shows that I used to dig too hard at myself, and the more I dig, the more tired I am.
It is better to cooperate with family members.
The whole family has been running in again, and all the quarrels have been integrated, with less troubles.
In fact, this is very important. I have seen too many people fall into a low ebb because of family conflicts and are deeply depressed after delivery. In particular, the deterrent force of conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and differences in parenting concepts is comparable to that of nuclear weapons.
After the process of raising the eldest brother together, the husband has also accumulated experience and has a higher degree of participation. When his eyes are too sleepy to open at night, it is really much easier to have someone to give him a hand.
Finally, I use a classic comment to answer the question of the title:
[There is also a process of natural selection. Mothers who have not grown up experience are less likely to have a second child, couples who have not been well adjusted, and many have divorced…]
In fact, whether the baby is easy to take is also related to the innate personality. There are also many cases where the eldest brother is easy to take, but the second child is difficult to take.
However, on the whole, regardless of their own individual differences, the changes of parents themselves alone make a big difference between taking the eldest brother and taking the second.
Many changes, in fact, novice mothers can also achieve.
Finally, I hope everyone can be more relaxed and happy on the way to raise babies.