When we see our children being bullied by others, we always want to help them stand out. But when children [are not good], we can’t help scolding them ourselves.
When you scold a child, have you ever thought that others will scold him like you?
Today’s article may enable you to stop those words that hurt children when you are cruel to them.
A sudden upsurge of anger
In the evening, my son didn’t want to eat and clamored for dumplings. We persuaded him for half a day but failed.
I just want everyone to eat first and cook dumplings for him alone after we eat.
As a result, just after the meal, I came out of the door and suddenly saw my son pick up the cut lotus seed paste moon cake and throw it into his mouth. I saw it and smiled at me triumphantly.
My son is picky about eating and finds various reasons to avoid it as soon as he arrives at the meal. This has always made us very upset. Thinking that he ate moon cakes, he will say that he can’t eat dumplings later. I immediately jumped up with anger, escaped the rest of the moon cakes from his hand and sharply asked:
[Who let you eat moon cakes? Why did you eat moon cakes instead of dinner just now? ]
[You said you wanted to eat dumplings. Grandma has cooked them for you now. You can eat them right away. Why do you want moon cakes? ]
[Mom is very angry. You don’t eat when you should eat, but you sneak in to eat snacks. Do you know this behavior is wrong? ]
The son froze instantly, the smile on his face disappeared immediately, his mouth was tightly flat, and he did not dare to chew a moon cake bulging in his mouth. He looked at me in panic.
[Did you understand what I said? If you don’t eat obediently, you can’t have snacks! You can’t make such a mistake again next time! Do you know? ]
The son did not speak and still stood there like that. I stepped back a little and found him standing straight and straight, his hands clasped in his chest at a loss, and his face was full of fear and fear.
I was afraid that the teacher would scold the child, but I did not hesitate to hurt him.
That is, at that moment, an idea suddenly flashed through my mind: Is it possible that he stood motionless like this in school because he was scolded by the teacher for being naughty?
Will it be because of an occasional naughty time that the teacher scolded him with such harsh words as I did, making him afraid, scared, flustered and at a loss. He can only stand there obediently, staring at the people in front of him in panic, trying to observe the situation and thinking that how’s actions can make her not angry?
He was, in fact, just a little boy, who was severely reprimanded for his gluttonous or occasional mischievous, and then stood there in horror, so that he forgot to chew everything in his mouth?
My heart pulled up tightly in a moment.
I think when he was just in kindergarten, we were paranoid and scared at home all day long. We were afraid that he would not have enough to eat, drink water, defecate or urinate in kindergarten. We would also be bullied by classmates and reprimanded by teachers.
At that time, how afraid we were that he would be hurt a little and could not tolerate a little invasion from the outside world?
But in fact, how did we treat him?
When he was naughty, he reprimanded him relentlessly, and when he was not eating, he kept talking in front of him…
I changed my mind for a moment. If all our behaviors are treated by teachers, we are a kind of mentality in how?
It must be very intolerable.
Because when we didn’t know what, for us, we scolded and threatened our children and didn’t think there was what. If others treated our children like this, we would immediately worry and blow up our hair. We must have to ask for an explanation.
Realizing my mistake, I tried to appease my son.
I paused for a while and immediately softened my tone, [the dumplings will be cooked soon, you will eat the dumplings first, fill your stomach, and then we will eat snacks, ok? ]
The son nodded hastily and his mouth became more and more flat.
I saw his expression of injustice, which he wanted to vent but did not dare to vent, and his heart seemed to have been torn apart in half in an instant-he was now aggrieved and afraid to cry, but he did not dare to cry!
I bent down and picked him up and walked all the way to the room. Hug him, [your mother is very angry! Don’t do this next time, okay? ]
The son continued to nod, his flat mouth did not let tears fall.
I held him in my arms sadly, [don’t be afraid, mother was just too angry… you must obey next time! Don’t be afraid! ]
I patted him on the back one after another, not knowing whether I was afraid of him or my heart.
I am afraid that my behavior just now has deeply hurt my son’s heart. I am afraid that he will leave a deep psychological shadow on what…
Grandma brought the dumplings over, and the son immediately sat down on the stool cleverly. Without doing it himself, he finished all the dumplings under Grandma’s help and feeding.
More scolding, instead, appeared at home.
I stood aside for a while with guilt and anxiety, and my mind kept showing my son standing there scared and afraid to move.
I don’t know if anyone has scared him like me before this time. Or did he ever be threatened by his teacher when he was in kindergarten?
After my son finished his meal, I hurriedly pulled him to his room. I squatted in front of him and asked him, “Baby, were you happy at school?” ]
The son nodded.
Did the teacher ever scold you? ]
The son shook his head.
[Really? The teacher doesn’t scold you because you are very good, does he? ]
The son immediately grinned, [Yes, I am very good! ]
[Then you performed so well in school that the teacher wouldn’t scold you. Do you also perform well at home? Then Mom won’t scold you! ]
The son instantly remembered the sad thing of the previous moment, and his mouth shriveled again.
[Sorry! Sorry, baby! Mom is wrong! ]
I hurriedly carried him over. I think all I said was what? All I think about is what?
My son has never been reprimanded so harshly by the teacher in school, but he has been treated so harshly by his mother at home. I am really not a qualified mother!
However, he always performs well in school because the teacher gives him more encouragement than criticism. However, at home, he is always criticized and questioned for various reasons. That’s why he has become so rebellious. His family and school are completely different.
My education of my children is too failed!
I must be very ugly when I lose my temper.
It suddenly occurred to me that there was an explosive article on the public number, which was called “Mom, the way you lost your temper is really ugly”.
In the article, a child was reprimanded by his mother and finally could not help but say: “Mom, the way you lose your temper is really ugly!” ]
This sentence shocked her mother for a while and hit my heart even more at that time. I think that the way I lose my temper with my children most of the time must be very ugly in their eyes!
The way I reprimanded my son just now was not only ugly, but also deeply frightened him.
I don’t know that this reprimand will bring how’s psychological harm to my son. I also don’t know that how’s shadow will be left in my son’s heart because of this reprimand. But I know that the way I looked just now is really ugly and ugly!
Later, I followed my son, accompanied him to make some handmade works, and took the initiative to bring him a bottle of yogurt. The son climbed onto the bed happily with the yogurt, shrinking there and drinking it in small sips, as if he had been robbed, and as if he were savoring what carefully.
Until he went to bed, he looked in a good mood, as if he had completely forgotten the events of the night. But I know that as soon as I mention it, he will immediately become dismayed and wronged.
Children seem easy to forget, but some injuries are deeply engraved in their hearts and cannot be made up for by how.
When I calmed down, besides self-accusation and guilt, I was still thinking, when I scolded my child, did I ever think that others would scold him like me?
If so, can I tolerate it?
The answer must be no.
Even if I tolerate it, my heart will certainly not be able to smooth it out for a long time. What’s more, children who are directly hurt?
We live in an era when thousands of people are doted on us. We have also experienced careless treatment and beating and scolding by our parents. We think this is our childhood. The past is the past.
We became parents in a hurry, only to find that when we were educating our children, we were often so unqualified and failed.
I deeply regret my behavior today, and I also blame myself for the many casual injuries I have done to my son in the past.
May all the parents who will be the same as me and denounce their children for a moment of anger be able to think calmly when their children make mistakes: if it is another person, what should you do to your children?
If you can’t tolerate it, please be merciful and treat the clever and lovely child gently.