Over the years since the family planning policy was launched, most of us have become accustomed to the [4 +2 +1] model. After the second child was released, the original family model was impacted.
When the originally unique little emperors and princesses met with a second child, how should parents balance their contradictions and conflicts?
With Er Bao, what words should not be said to Dabao? You must understand the following forbidden words.
Forbidden Language 1: It was the younger brother/sister you agreed to have at the beginning.
At present, many parents attach great importance to their children’s education. In order to show respect, some even give Dabao the decision to have a second child.
In fact, the child is not yet an adult, so it is inappropriate to leave this issue to the child to decide. If you don’t believe it, look at media reports. Some children often threaten their parents not to have a second child by not eating, not going to school or even committing suicide.
Of course, these are just examples, but we can see that the child’s way of thinking is not mature. At the same time, this is still a hidden way of shirking responsibility. If there is a what problem in the future, parents will use the statement [you agreed at the beginning] to block his mouth, and Dabao will easily transfer his dissatisfaction to Erbao.
Before preparing for the second treasure, parents can say to Dabao like this:
One more little brother or sister will bring one more person who loves you. This is a very happy thing.
My younger brother and sister, unlike your other friends, can play games with you every day and don’t have to be separated when it gets dark.
Through these words, let the child form the concept of brothers and sisters in the family, let him be full of expectation for the arrival of Erbao, and tell him:
No matter whether you have a second child or not, your parents will always love you, your younger brother, sister and you, which are special to your parents.
If there is a plan to have a second child, don’t let your child feel panic because of the upcoming younger brother and sister, let him hold the expectation to welcome the arrival of new life.
Forbidden Language 2: This is for my younger brother/sister to eat, and this is for him first.
Many parents think that it is not natural for the big to let the small. The small don’t understand, can the big still don’t understand?
This is bad!
First of all, is our life really that embarrassing? If you satisfy the small, you cannot satisfy the big?
In fact, many families planning to have a second child are well fed and clothed, milk powder is imported, vegetables are organic, and kindergartens are advanced… In this case, why must all good things be given to one person?
Secondly, if some commodities are too expensive to guarantee that both children can enjoy them, then reduce the number of purchases or choose less expensive substitutes, or distribute food or toys in a fairer way, such as scissors, stone cloth, drawing lots, etc., instead of just telling Dabao [younger brother and sister are small, you have to let him go].
Children are the most sensitive. Dabao would have worried that his younger brother and sister would have separated the love of his parents. If his parents said so again, he would only regard Erbao as an enemy who took away his favorite.
Sometimes it’s not the stutterer that the kids are fighting for, What I’m afraid of is not that I can’t play with new toys, but what hurts the most is the parents’ unintentional preference. [Mom and Dad don’t love me, then I love myself], so Dabao relies on competing for things to maintain his poor sense of security, conflicts occur between children, and then parents intervene, Dabao is even more disappointed, which will only lead to a vicious circle.
Forbidden Language 3: Why are you not as sensible as your younger brother/sister?
From an early age, I had an old enemy who called someone else’s child.
He has a good temper and knows how to read every day. He is handsome and comes first in grade every time he takes an exam.
When he grew up, he also had a punctual and rich girlfriend, and all graduate students and civil servants passed the examination…
This is a line from Ceng Xiaoxian in iPartment, which also expresses the heartfelt wishes of most people.
Yes, we have an old enemy since we were young-[other people’s children]. Parents often create a perfect image to compare with us from the perspective of motivation, in order to promote our progress.
Regardless of whether there is progress or not, it has brought a lot of hatred to [other people’s children].
[Other people’s children] are far away, but [their own children] are just around the corner.
Nowadays, with the advent of the era of two children, many parents, either unintentionally or intentionally, always compare their children with each other and often say, “You are not as sensible as your younger brother and sister!” [Look at how excellent your brother and sister are, and look at you again! ] Once a child of someone else’s family, now he has aroused hatred among his own children.
Children are not products on the assembly line of factories and workshops, but unique gifts from heaven.
Some of them are lively, some are quiet, some love learning and some love sports. Everyone has his own characteristics.
Just like who is taller than Yao Ming and who speaks better than the president of the United States, can winning or losing mean what?
It is inappropriate to compare with others at will, let alone between one’s own children. [You are not as sensible as your younger brother and sister! This kind of words not only hurt children’s self-esteem, but also easily create hostility between children!
If the child is wrong about what, we can talk about the matter and tell him what he is not doing well. How is more suitable to do it.
Education requires communication. Why compare with each other and hurt the feelings between the two children at the expense?
Forbidden Language 4: Your younger brother/sister is young, you should let him/her go.
Human beings always sympathize with the weak. As parents, it is inevitable that Erbao will be more partial because of his younger age.
The same is true of many parents. When they meet conflicts between their children, they will first find out the big ones and give them a lecture regardless of their willy-nilly.
In fact, always favoring the younger side will make Dabao hostile to Er Bao, and Er Bao will become willful or even unreasonable because his parents have no stand in favor.
If there is a conflict between the two children, don’t criticize the older children blindly, and let each child know clearly that age is neither an advantage nor a disadvantage. When children have conflicts, parents should guide them to do how to solve the problem, or leave it to the children to find a way to deal with it. Believe them, children have children’s wisdom.
At the same time, parents can set up some things that can help Xiao Bao to do and let Dabao take the initiative to participate in them. If successfully completed, Dabao will have a sense of satisfaction, Xiao Bao will worship his brother/sister more, and will also have a sense of happiness and security.
What should I do if I have already said what will hurt Dabao?
In fact, it is very simple-apology + correction.
Children are the world’s most forgiving and willing to forgive their parents. They should correct them immediately and stop talking about them later.
So, dear parents, have you learned to speak in the second child era? Why don’t you try to communicate with your children in a better way now?