01
[Eat obediently so that you can grow as tall as your father]
[Brush your teeth obediently, otherwise you will suffer from tooth decay and pain.]
[Don’t eat ice cream any more, you will catch a cold]
…….
When I first started to be a mother, like every textbook mother, I treated my children gently and talked loudly for fear of scaring them. However, the facts tell me that these are useless at all!
In the face of all kinds of behaviors that Eva did not cooperate with me, such as not eating well and not sleeping well, I reminded myself to be patient 10,000 times in my heart, but I still couldn’t help yelling at Eva…….
It was not until I once chatted with Cui Cui that I realized that there was no need to tell Eva so much about [what do you want] [what do you want], because the more I talked, the more disobedient the child would be and the more impatient I would become.
02
Cui Cui
Cui Cui has many labels on his body. He was once among the [youngest CEO] in China, the youngest director of the leading fund (with a 1 billion yuan investment fund), and the founder of We Media Momself, a parent-child female.
Tearing off these labels, she, like every other woman, has a family and is the mother of a child.
No matter how successful her career is, in her family life, she will inevitably encounter problems such as [reasoning with her children, children just don’t listen] [teammates like pigs are always unable to help].
However, now she can deal with these problems with ease. The child obediently listened to his mother, and his pig-like teammates finally [opened their eyes].
What I said with Cui Cui refreshed my understanding of parent-child relationship and family relationship. I shared my dialogue with her with you and hoped that you would also gain something.
03
The year when Cui Cui’s son Little Walnut was 2 years old was also the busiest year in Cui Cui’s career development. All kinds of things intersect, [every day wants to explode.]
Even the simplest child brushing his teeth can trigger a family war.
In the evening, the little walnut refused to brush his teeth. When he said he would brush his teeth, the little walnut ran around the house and Cui Cui could only chase him.
Look at little walnut’s father, sitting comfortably on the sofa watching TV. At this time, the mobile phone is constantly thinking, a lot of work is waiting to deal with. At this time, like many mothers, she can’t help getting angry with her son and husband.
[Why don’t you cooperate well if you don’t just brush your teeth? ]
[Who is brushing your teeth for? It’s not for mom.]
[I am so busy that you can still sit still, can’t you take care of your son? ]
Really, sometimes, these trivial things are enough to make a mother collapse.
Clearly, the arrival of the child has changed the life of the whole family, but why is it always the mother who is tired?
Dad can dress up well to go to work without being affected, while Mom has become a satellite revolving around her children, unkempt, with milk stains all over her body, taking her baby while working, and is very busy.
Even if this is done, sometimes I will inexplicably receive accusations from my children’s grandparents that I was wrong to take the baby. I can’t accept the way they took the baby.
After having a baby, it was really a feather.
04
At work, Cui Cui talked about these trivial matters with his partner Li Songwei. First, Li Songwei’s wife seems to have few such troubles. Second, he is a doctor of psychology from Peking University and a psychology teacher from Tsinghua. He is also the most popular psychological big V in Zhihu. He has rich experience in cognitive behavioral therapy and systematic family therapy.
Li Songwei asked her: Is it because in his eyes, running after you is a way for him to interact with you, and he may think he is playing with you?
In children’s eyes, [not brushing teeth] has some special pleasure, and this pleasure is the concern of parents.
Cui Cui was deeply touched when he heard this sentence. [I usually spend very little time with him, and most of the time at home I also work on the computer. Only when walnuts brush their teeth and wash their faces can the two have the opportunity to fight for wisdom and courage.]
She recalled carefully that sometimes she did not chase walnuts to brush her teeth, but her son seemed a little lost.
After returning home, she asked Walnut [Do you think your mother is playing with you when you run around and refuse to brush your teeth? The walnut nodded.
Therefore, [not brushing teeth] is a way for walnuts to keep connected with their mothers.
After thinking from this angle, Cui Cui immediately knew what to do. She would reason with walnuts: We have half an hour to play now. If you brush faster, then we will tell stories longer. If you want your mother to help you brush, then there will be no stories to listen to.
Sure enough, the little walnut’s [tooth brushing procrastination] was successfully cured.
Smooth the relationship, home is no longer a battlefield.
When family relations are good, good children are natural.
These exchanges with teacher Li Songwei made Cui Cui feel that thinking from another angle is really too helpful to family relations. In fact, what mothers really need to do is not to change family members. On the contrary, what they need to change is themselves, and it is their own perspective and method of looking at problems.
Take the case of small walnuts not brushing their teeth as an example, we will think that this is the child’s disobedience and the child’s problem. However, Li Songwei told Cui Cui that this is not actually a question of brushing or not brushing their teeth. In essence, it is a question of relationship.
The mother should be able to see the crux of the problem, in fact, lies in [relationship], and the need behind the child’s bad habit of not brushing teeth is [desire to be noticed]. When all relationships are smooth, good children will naturally be raised.
By the same token, good husbands, good mothers-in-law, good parents… There are actually relationship passwords hidden behind this. As long as the passwords are untied, these are all natural things.
Cui Cui said of Mr. Li Songwei: [Communicating with Mr. Li Songwei always shows me the essence of things. Moreover, his thinking angle is very interesting, as if everything in life has a solution as long as it is changed from another angle.]
As a matter of fact, Cui Cui did use Teacher Li Songwei’s method to eliminate family wars and balance work and family. Now she always sees the relationship first and deals with it first before dealing with problems.
Do you feel lonely and desperate for taking care of children and family wars, just like Cui Cui did? In fact, as long as you change your angle and see clearly the relationship problems, you can naturally have good children, good husbands and good mothers-in-law…
Clove’s mother also often receives messages about various family relationships, so we sorted out the questions with the most messages and invited Cui Cui and Li Songwei to grind a series of family relationships classes, hoping to bring you a warmer and more loving home.
(Course Picture)
Famous CCTV host Benny Sa and Phoenix Satellite TV anchor Wu Xiaoli are all listening to family relations courses. Let’s tear off the labels and solve the problem from another angle.
Press long to identify the two-dimensional code below and subscribe to the course.
Syllabus