It is often said that being a mother is a woman’s second [rebirth].
Maternal love is instinct, but not everyone is born to be a mother. Everyone grows up in stumbling.
Today’s story is the story of Dr. Clove’s old friend, Teacher Tang Wei, who recorded his first year as a mother.
I believe you can also see your tears and laughter inside.
Written in the first year
Yesterday was the baby’s first birthday, and Eva suddenly shook off my hand and took a few steps by herself, which made me very happy.
[One small step for the baby, one big step for the mother], watching the baby toddler, sighing and sighing, the cute and soft little monster who only ate, drank, pulled and slept in his arms not long ago finally took the first step in his own life.
I coaxed the baby to sleep early in the evening. I brought myself a small glass of red wine, looked through the photos of the baby from birth to the present in my cell phone, and recalled the first year after I had the baby. I felt sad and mixed with joy. I couldn’t help offering myself a toast and became a not excellent but qualified mother.
The depression in the moon almost drove me crazy.
Recalling the most difficult time of the year, the depressed time after delivery greatly exceeded the pain of childbirth.
Before delivery, I had countless fantasies that when I looked at the baby sleeping like an angel, I would turn my maternal glory into a flash of lightning, illuminating all circles of friends.
I never expected that when I came home after giving birth, I began to have a dark day.
The baby changed into a red buttocks during the month, and every day he had to hold the baby and dry it with incandescent lamps. His arms were too tired to lift…
The little guy has to eat milk every 2 hours. At night, when the baby wakes up crying, I will always bite my teeth and change diapers, while the father of the child is still snoring.
This cycle goes on and on, and every day I am not sleeping enough, exhausted physically and mentally, and even on the verge of collapse.
Once when I complained to my husband, he actually [rationally analyzed]:
Is it true that the child is not full when crying and your milk is not enough?
The wound of caesarean section was severe and painful, and the little fellow on one side woke himself up crying again.
At that moment, I finally couldn’t help crying. How much did Eva cry, how much did I cry than Eva, and the accumulated emotion broke out for a long time.
My husband was shocked and did not know what to do. Finally, our mother and daughter cried for almost 20 minutes before the end…
In fact, in retrospect, my husband’s words actually did not mean any accusation. My collapse was due to my exhaustion and emotional backlog, reaching a critical point.
After the outbreak, my husband and I communicated for a long time. He finally understood my [melodramatic] and began to share the work of taking baby.
Fortunately, I was later dragged into several groups of mothers by my best friend, all of whom were of the same kind. I finally had an outlet to pour out my emotions. Slowly, these days finally came out.
In order to realize exclusive breast milk, I milked until I fainted.
Lack of milk has always been a pity to me.
I was the third day of formal milk, the baby was hungry for 48 hours after birth, at night the nurse rounds he will be named, said the whole floor he cried the most. Later, when he was fed probiotics, so bitter medicine, as soon as he put it on his mouth, [whoosh] to drink all in, after all hungry ah, even medicine to appease hunger.
There is no way, can’t help the pressure of the old man, fed the baby milk powder.
Touching the baby’s soft [granary], I felt really uncomfortable and made up my mind to chase after milk desperately to realize full breast milk.
At first, I heard that the more you squeeze, the more milk you have. So in the month, Every night I would nurse first, then use the breast pump to suck for half an hour. My chest felt numbness was not my own. I milked directly until my blood sugar was too low and I passed out. I ate and drank sugar water. Only then did I recover. However, my breast bruises caused by desperate milking took me a month to recover slowly.
Later, I consulted a doctor and realized that the key to chasing milk is to feed it frequently and for a long time. The baby’s sucking is better than any breast pump.
As a result, as soon as the baby cried, I forcibly grabbed him to nurse him, and even the magic dazed him to nurse him regularly: when the baby was still asleep or fell asleep while eating milk, he had to wake him up by playing the soles of his feet, rubbing his earlobes, and even rubbing plastic to make harsh sounds, so that he could suck enough for 20 minutes.
As a result, I felt that Eva was already hanging on my chest, and even he was still carrying nipples when he was asleep-which directly caused my nipples to crack, bleeding while nursing, grinning in pain, and gritting my teeth to continue.
Finally, on the 47th day after delivery, exclusive breast milk was successfully realized.
Fear of being coaxed to sleep, every difficult night.
At the beginning of the baby’s 3 months, various sleep problems followed.
I fell asleep as soon as I was hugged and woke up as soon as I was released. I was really scared. Every time I put it on the bed, I was like holding a time bomb in my arms.
However, soon after, I found a unique skill: milk! Sleep!
I know milk doesn’t sleep well, but at least I can lie down and nurse, rest, and put the baby to sleep without any difficulty.
In order to survive easily in front of us, poems and distant places that fall asleep independently? Ha ha, too far away from me, dare not expect.
The baby woke up frequently every night to eat night milk, 5 ~ 6 times, 6 months of physical examination found that the height and weight development did not meet the standards, I woke up from the dream of milk sleep, began the painful sleep process.
It is how’s experience to have a baby who sleeps like an angel at home. I really don’t know, but the family has the pain of sleeping slag. I can talk for a day and a night without heavy samples.
From singing lullabies, shaking and coaxing to sleep, to driving lullabies and white noise, shaking and shaking and coaxing to sleep;
From the soft sleep aid music to the rock music with strong rhythm, in retrospect, I probably fell asleep after shaking my baby dizzy.
From when I danced at home and counted to sleep, to when my husband couldn’t watch it, he was fixed on the safety seat and drove at a constant speed on the 4th ring road in the middle of the night to sleep… nothing I didn’t do, only what you didn’t think of.
In a word, every mother who sleeps is a fairy. After all, she lives with a mouthful of fairy spirit hanging every day.
Until then, I consulted countless materials and many people.
From whether the diaper is dry, whether you want the baby, whether you are hungry, whether it is too hot or too cold, whether you are not sleepy, whether you have hiccups yet to be photographed, whether the light is too strong and other factors, etc., you have checked one by one. In particular, you have established a fixed rule of eating and sleeping, and paid attention to observing the baby’s own expression and feedback. Finally, it has become the present accompanying sleep.
Although the baby is still unable to sleep completely on his own, I can sleep until dawn. I am really satisfied.
The fight against monsters has been upgraded, and I am studying and [fighting] every day.
From pregnancy to the birth of a baby, I feel that I have experienced all kinds of strange upgrades.
What I fear most is the enthusiastic aunts [predecessors] downstairs. Every time I walk my baby, I use all kinds of tricks.
[Your child is too thin, When we were, Three months to add supplementary food to the child], [the child is half a year old, why are you still feeding breast milk], [it’s time to change milk powder, it’s much more nutritious than breast milk], [even ouch, this little guy is cute, let me kiss], just about to kiss the child mouth to mouth… they feel that they have been mothers and are certainly qualified to guide others how to raise babies.
I’m too lazy to break off with each other. Every time I see it from a distance, I quickly walk around with my baby in my arms: Not to be taunted, can I afford to hide?
The elders in the family, although they agreed to listen mainly to my husband and me in child-rearing at the beginning, began to complain over time.
Either secretly feed the baby water and say that the baby is too hot, or secretly hold the baby and start urinating excrement, or always accuse diapers of being too expensive, easy to cover the boy’s penis, and put on the open-backed pants they have prepared for the child… They think that you were raised like this in those days, and now there is nothing wrong with doing so.
Almost every day, I have to have a headache for these trivial things, especially when the child is ill, conflicts in all aspects are easy to erupt in a concentrated way.
On one occasion, the child had a high fever of 39.8 ℃, and Grandma and Grandpa insisted on being sent to the hospital immediately. Grandma and Grandpa bought a pile of compound cold medicine.
My husband and I kept playing drums in our hearts, but there was no other abnormality when we carefully observed the baby, so we observed and cared at home first.
That night, the baby slept all night. We got up five times at night to take his temperature and fed him antipyretics.
Finally, three days later, the baby’s fever dropped out of the rash, which can be confirmed to be the baby’s acute rash. The debate on how to deal with the sick baby came to an end.
Although the struggle with the old ideas is very tiring, with the accumulation and growth of parenting knowledge, the mothers are becoming more and more calm.
In addition to going to authoritative websites to check information, I also bought a lot of parenting books, paid attention to reliable parenting content platforms, and used spare time to learn and grow.
Every day is a baby, I completely lost myself
In fact, looking back on this year, I feel that I have gained a lot and lost a lot.
What has been lost most is nothing more than self.
By the way, it can also be said that in the first year of being a mother, where is the right to self?
I thought giving birth to babies could open a new chapter in my life, but I found that my former colleagues went to concerts and tours together, and my old friends had dinner, parties and table games. No one invited me voluntarily. Well, I bowed down and asked you why. The answer was basically the following:
You must be very busy with your children, and you must not be free to ask!
Recently, I especially want to eat spicy food. I’m afraid you can’t eat spicy food when nursing. Of course, children can’t eat spicy food either.
Friends who are closer to me say more directly:
After the meal, everyone is waiting to go to the movies, play table games and continue shopping. It is a waste of time for you to sit there motionless for two hours with your napping child in your arms.
You haven’t seen the TV series we talked about, and you always urge us to have babies and make friends every minute.
Unconsciously, I turned out to be a [sad mother] who spent 24 h X 7 days around her children and had no personal time!
I calmed down and thought for a long time. I can’t go on like this. I lost myself completely. The child will eventually grow up. What about me? How do you return to your life?
Thanks to the support of my husband and family, I began to try [a short separation] from my baby. Starting from going downstairs alone to buy vegetables, I gradually lengthened my time. Until now, I can ask friends for afternoon tea one day a week. When I gradually discovered that my husband and family can also take good care of the little guy, I also began to let go more and more actively, thus having more and more private time and space.
The first year after giving birth to the baby is a spiritual practice.
Sometimes I ask myself, why did I choose to be a mother? Is it for the sake of having children to prevent old age in the future? Is it to make the whole world recognize it?
I don’t need the gratitude of my children, let alone the recognition and praise of the whole world.
As a mother, I found another self in this world, a tough and strong self.