Many parents are brought up by grandparents or grandparents. Parents have no time, and their children stay in the elderly for one day, which is still a lot.
The older generation at home and abroad really have very different ideas in helping to bring their babies.
Today we will join a Nordic mother to see how foreign mothers-in-law take care of their children.
After staying in Northern Europe for a long time and seeing many mothers-in-law with Northern European characteristics, I sometimes really want a Chinese mother-in-law.
In the post-natal health care course after giving birth to my second child, I attended classes with Swedish mothers.
When I tell them about my Chinese mother-in-law, I always show an inflated and arrogant smile:
The Chinese mother-in-law helped to take care of the baby and even got up at night to help nurse the baby.
My poor foreign mothers and friends who had never experienced the help of their mother-in-law exclaimed one after another:
What! Is there such a rebellious operation?
Such a rebellious and selfless mother-in-law only exists in China, and I have no chance with those Swedish mothers in my life.
My mother, who knew me, thought I was very strong. She took two children with her husband and did not need her mother-in-law to take her.
In fact, I also want to have a mother-in-law to take her!
Imagine two women walking together and becoming bosom friends with their babies. I am responsible for making money with my talents and peerless beauty, while my mother-in-law is responsible for properly managing the shortcomings of my parents.
However, it is helpless, first, because my mother-in-law has recently become seriously ill, and second, because most Nordic mothers-in-law have no [human touch]. Before her mother-in-law became ill, her retirement life with her boyfriend was colorful, so it was impossible to take care of our children.
After giving birth to the second child, I, Feifei and Feifei took the second child together.
In my mother group, the topic of spitting out her mother-in-law can always ignite hot spots. Today, I will also count the seven crimes committed by my foreign mother-in-law.
In January, the son will not come to help the son drink iced juice and milk.
I remember that when I just gave birth to my first child in 2015, my mother-in-law called to ask if I had any milk. I said no.
The mother-in-law said: Seven cups of iced juice are drunk every day, and the milk is swishing.
At that time, after listening to my mother-in-law’s advice, I just wanted to order a cool song for myself.
I said it was winter now, and I wanted to drink some hot food in the moon. My mother-in-law asked what was called the moon.
After giving birth to the second child, my mother-in-law called again to ask if she had gone for a walk outdoors every day and how was the milk. I said I was chasing milk and planned to drink more juice every day.
Let’s take a look at the breakfast provided by the Swedish hospital after giving birth to the second child this time-cold water and cold rice, two large barrels of fresh iced juice. So my mother-in-law gave me advice as standard in the hospital.
Order another cool song for yourself. It’s really cold to have children abroad. Pull a close-up view to show you the food provided by the hospital after giving birth to the child. Cool sandwiches, cool juice.
There is no money for you to have children, but there are a lot of gifts.
Yes, only China has such a rebellious thing as giving birth to a child with a red envelope.
My Swedish mother-in-law didn’t prepare any red envelopes for us, but there were a lot of gifts.
When I first received this pile of gifts, I was very surprised, but I was slightly moved after the surprise.
My mother-in-law gave us gifts: the small clothes that Feidad wore, the wooden train that Feidad played with, the photo album that Feidad grew up with, and Feidad’s favorite plush gorilla.
03 Children Eat Earth? Eat and get used to it.
Once I went to my mother-in-law’s house in summer.
Nordic summer, my mother, how do you say a saying: there is heaven above and Nordic summer below.
At about 20 ℃ that day, the sky was clear and the wind was pleasant. We hurriedly stepped on auspicious clouds and went to the beach for a picnic with Yingge laughing.
Then, Feifei lay prone on the beach, gulped up the sea water, and looked up at his forehead mother beside him with a smile after drinking, revealing the free and easy manner of [roaring at the rough road and drying this jar of wine with me].
Medical + Virgo cleanliness flying mother immediately felt her body was hollowed out, twisting her bewildered body, helpless like a 200 kg child.
But Grandma said airily: It’s just a little seawater. No, what is afraid of it. When Fei Dad was a child, he still drank water from the dog basin!
So reasonable, I was speechless and choked.
It is this salty sea water. Her mother-in-law and her boyfriend (you are right, more than 70 mothers-in-law have a boyfriend 8 years younger than her) just watched Feifei eat soil quietly and smiled with satisfaction.
The same Sweden is full of baby bunkers like the one shown above. When Feifei was less than one year old, he grabbed the sand and put it in his mouth. At that time, I was scared out of shape.
My mother-in-law calmly patted me and let me relax: we all grew up eating soil. He is exploring the world. If he eats two more bites, he will find that sand cannot be eaten or delicious. Don’t be nervous.
With that, her mother-in-law picked up her cell phone and took photos with a click. She left a message on Facebook: “Grandson clocked in today when eating dirt.”
After my mother-in-law gave her grandson a turkey, I thought carefully that children really cannot grow up in an excessively clean environment. Recent studies have also shown that children who grow up with animals and livestock have a lower risk of allergy.
Therefore, knock on the blackboard to draw the key points. If there is no danger, children can eat soil.
My mother-in-law’s education pays more attention to practicality, and the principle is: as long as there is no danger, let the children practice it themselves. This has more or less infected my education method: relax and allow children to make mistakes.
So every time the two babies make a fuss that I doubt my life, I can’t help calling my mother-in-law crazily.
04 You gave birth to a baby. You can take me with you and help me for two hours occasionally.
Our family is far away from my mother-in-law’s, and I have to make an appointment every time I go to my mother-in-law’s
When I gave birth to my eldest brother, my mother-in-law was 71 years old, but her life schedule was still very full: playing golf friendly matches in Spain, playing piano for church scripture singing classes, editing magazines three times a week, editing pictures with photoshop, and typesetting with in design.
I can’t use either software. Wow! !
My mother-in-law is too busy and has too many skills, so we all have to make an appointment for her mother-in-law one month in advance.
After arriving at her mother-in-law’s house, stay for a week at most. During this period, it is completely impossible for her mother-in-law to take her with her. At most, Fei Dad and I went to the supermarket to buy vegetables. The baby was left to her mother-in-law and her boyfriend, which is also the limit that her mother-in-law can accept.
Although her mother-in-law is very old, as long as she agrees to help look after the children, she is definitely taking care of her children. I took a flying missile piano, looked at the old photos, and built the building blocks that Fei Dad played with.
I am sincerely convinced by this. Although I am over 70 years old, I have to give full play to the seriousness of the Swedes. As long as I decide to accompany, I will pay attention to high-quality company and will never leave the iPad to my children.
He’s not cold, he’s a little overdressed
Feifa and I are both extremely afraid of the cold, so we wear too much for Feifei and Fat Sister.
My mother-in-law often tells us:
My sister is the fattest in the family. How can she wear more than you? She brought her own fat to protect her body. She should wear the least at home.
If it is too hot in summer, only the fat sister should wear diapers instead of vests.
My mother-in-law’s view of parenting is very different from that of traditional Chinese parenting.
One of the differences in child-rearing between China and the West is that [foreign babies only wear diapers when they are hot, while Chinese babies only remove diapers when they are hot].
06 Feeding or Not Feeding
Chinese mothers and elders are most worried about their children’s food, lack of food and satiety. Chasing for food is also a phenomenon of bringing babies to socialism with Chinese characteristics.
Feifei is a typical thin baby, only 21 kg at the age of two and a half. This time back to Beijing, I was scolded by all kinds of seven elder sisters and eight elder aunts, saying that I didn’t give my child enough to eat, and the child didn’t have enough to eat himself. I must chase after him and feed him. I was also very anxious.
I called my mother-in-law crazily again and told her my anxiety.
She said: Ouch, now the children are all monkey’s good wow, who will starve to death. Today you can chase and feed in Beijing, and when you return to Sweden, you and Flying Dad will take the baby with you. Chasing and feeding will kill you. And why must we make the baby fat? Babies’ weight and thinness are determined by genes and other factors.
Being able to jump up and down like a monkey is the only criterion to measure the health of a baby. Remember, if the doll is like a monkey, it means that the doll is healthy and must be better than the monkey.
In fact, not only my mother-in-law, but also many Swedish families are like this. Even if they eat, they let their children decide for themselves.
They believe that they always make decisions for their children. Children will never learn to bear the responsibility and will never realize that [bearing the consequences of their own actions] means what.
Gradually, I talked more with my mother-in-law about Sweden’s baby-raising methods, and I also moved from anxious child-rearing to relaxed child-rearing.
Don’t feel sorry for my son
I also put this article in the seven sins, because when I became a mother, I must love my son, but my mother-in-law is not, she does not love her son.
After giving birth to the eldest brother, my mother-in-law told me many times: Since you are feeding together, let Fei Dad wash milk powder and feed milk powder at night.
This time I gave birth to my second child, I asked my mother-in-law how she dragged on and was able to stay alone.
My mother-in-law said to me:
Let Fei Dad take part in child-rearing, let Fei Dad take the eldest brother out to play, let Fei Dad wash milk powder at night, and you sleep more.
Mom has a good rest and the whole family is happy. This is not empty talk. You don’t have to feel sorry for Fei Dad. Let him work more. You need to be taken care of most now.
After listening to this, I don’t know what it is like to be what. Although my mother-in-law has no Chinese human touch, I am very touched by such words and selflessness.
I also wonder, can I say this to my daughter-in-law in the future? Let my son work more and let him take care of her more. Will I selfishly only love my son?
08 Domestic Mother-in-Law or Foreign Mother-in-Law
Compared with the situation of foreign mothers-in-law [impersonal] and without babies, many grandparents will help to take care of their children at home due to the problem of parents’ time.
However, sometimes there will be many problems. For example, grandparents’ educational concepts are too traditional and dote on their children too much. Children chase after them without eating and give them what if they want what. For fear that they do not take good care of them enough.
At present, many parents learn the concept of bringing babies abroad, hoping that their babies can learn to be independent from an early age, but sometimes it will backfire.
Ma Yili once tweeted before that: When the child was one year old, in order to train the child to sleep a whole night, when the baby woke up in the middle of the night crying for a hug, he ignored it and finally let the child continue to fall asleep in the cry. This eventually led to problems in the baby’s security structure.
The starting point for cultivating the baby’s independent consciousness is good, but don’t blindly repeat foreign parenting experience.
In the end, the principle of educating the baby should be: the child is an independent individual. As long as he does not cause harm to himself or others, he will respect his thoughts and meet his psychological needs.
09 Postscript
Now that her mother-in-law is old and terminally ill, we have fewer and fewer opportunities to meet each other. I feel sad when I think that my family Feifei and fat sister will soon have no grandmother, and there will be one less person who loves them in the world…
When the second fat sister was 3 months old (January this year), we went to her mother-in-law’s house, which was no longer able to walk.
When we went out for a walk, we recorded the video:
The three generations ran together. The mother-in-law was in a wheelchair. Feifei ran while looking at her grandmother. Feifei’s father trotted to catch up.
I recorded the image at the back and thought of a sentence: maternal love is a proper withdrawal, and children’s love for their parents is a gentle intervention. Grandma is about to withdraw from her son’s world, while Feifei and Nini continue Grandma’s love and intervene in Feifa’s life instead of Grandma.
Perhaps, this is the meaning of blood transmission.
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