When their children are bullied by other babies, most mothers will struggle with such a problem:
Do I come forward to support the child, or do I let the child solve it by himself?
Today’s article may give you some reference. When the child was bullied, this is how the mother came to [fight back].
One day not long ago, I accompanied my classmates to play in the community and witnessed an incident of “robbing territory” between children.
The child is bullied, don’t rush to come forward, it is better to observe first.
Next to the community square, there is an abandoned flower bed. There are no flowers in it, more grass and trees.
Once Zhe was playing with slides and fitness equipment in the square. I stood by the flower bed and waited. I saw two little girls over three years old [exploring] in the flower bed. I was very excited when I dug up an earthworm and found a mushroom. The two mothers were standing not far from the flower bed chatting.
All of a sudden, two tall and strong boys, six or seven years old, broke into the [secret garden], announced loudly to the two little girls, [this is our territory, we played here yesterday], and pointed to the two small dirt ditches in the flower bed and said:
[We dug all this, you can’t play here! ]
Look at Zhe’s playing well in the square. I don’t need me for the time being, so I stopped to watch.
One of the little girls argued: [But this is everyone’s place, and children should share it! ]
It is very brave and justified for a girl over three years old to say so.
However, the boy paid no attention to the little girl and said loudly, “Get out quickly, or we won’t be welcome!” ]
Although the girl’s mother’s expression was more serious than just now, she did not seem to intend to come forward, but just stood and watched.
The little girl took her little friend’s hand and whispered, “Let’s go and have a look.”
Then, the two little girls retreated to the flower bed and silently watched the two tall invaders occupy the [secret garden].
After observing for a while, the little girl who was trying to reason just now picked up a branch and walked over and said, “Big brother, do you need this branch?” ]
The boy took the branch, threw it away with his backhand and continued his vicious words: “We don’t need this!” ]
The overtures were rejected, The little girl was not angry either. She just turned back and continued to think. She also talked about what with her little friends in a low voice, as if they were going to leave later. However, the two boys did not mean to leave. While digging the trench, they did not forget to warn the two little girls: “Go somewhere else quickly, this is ours!” ]
The two little girls left with a full face of disappointment, looking at their mother miserably as they walked. Only then did the two mothers come and appease their daughters.
The little girl who had been trying to regain the territory took her mother’s hand and said, “Big Brother won’t let us play here.”
Mother hugged her and said:
Do you need your mother to help you discuss with your brother? Or we have better ideas, such as going to eat some fruit together. We have been playing for a long time, and we just need to have a rest and supplement some energy. If you want to come back to play after eating fruit, then discuss it with your elder brother, ok? ]
When the two little girls heard that they were going to eat fruit, they cheered and asked as they left the flower bed: “Mom, do you think the elder brother did this right?” ]
The mother was patient: [It is wrong for them to do so. First, This is a public area and belongs to everyone. Everyone has the right to play here, not theirs. Second, if they want to play here alone, they should follow the queue principle. If you arrive first, then you will play first. After you leave, they will go in and play again. Third, they behave very impolitely…]
Watching the two mother and daughter go far away, I also took my classmates home, still thinking about what happened just now. I don’t know if the little girl asked her mother later: since they did wrong, why didn’t anyone stop them? Or, why doesn’t mom come and help us drive them away?
The mother’s attitude itself is already the answer-
Son, there are indeed many injustices in this world, and not all injustices can be solved satisfactorily. If you need them, your mother can help you.
Mom hopes to give you more time and space so that you can try to find your own way to achieve a satisfactory result.
If the strength is too wide to win, it’s not a big deal, other places have their own scenery.
Is it really good to solve the problem for the children in the first place?
In public amusement parks, children of different personalities and ages play together, and conflicts, large and small, are very common. Some parents will stand up for their children and teach others Xiong Haizi when their children are treated unfairly.
My friend Zhuang Zhuang’s mother once encountered such a thing. When telling me what had happened, Zhuang Zhuang’s mother was very wronged and helpless.
Zhuang Zhuang is almost three years old, because he is much taller than the children of the same age and looks like he is four or five years old. On that day, Zhuang Zhuang’s mother accompanied Zhuang Zhuang to attend classes in the early childhood education center. It was still early, so Zhuang Zhuang was allowed to play in the hall for a while.
Just as Zhuang Zhuang’s mother was communicating with the teacher about the course, she suddenly heard her children crying. Looking back, a grandfather with his granddaughter was severely criticizing Zhuang Zhuang:
[You are so old that you should push your little sister? At an early age, you will bully people, but when you grow up, you will not be able to shake the earth? ]
Knowing that his son and children had started work, Zhuang Zhuang’s mother hurried over to pick up her child and apologized to others. The grandfather scolded Zhuang Zhuang’s mother incidentally and asked her to “discipline this child who likes to hit people well”.
Zhuang Zhuang’s mother answered, holding Zhuang Zhuang to the side, comforting the child and asking what was going on.
Zhuang Zhuang cried out of breath and could not speak at all.
Looking at the grandfather’s distance, a mother nearby said that it was the little girl who wanted to be strong and strong in her hand. After two times of being strong and strong, she did not give it to her. The little girl got started directly. Zhuang and strong were anxious and pushed her.
The mother spoke very tactfully. Zhuang Zhuang’s mother still understood and knew that Zhuang Zhuang was not trying to bully anyone, but was trying to protect the toy from being robbed.
Although she knew that her son had been wronged, Zhuang Zhuang’s mother was still very helpless. After all, when the children are together, they can say nothing if they don’t do it. Once they do it, no matter why, the person who does it is always wrong.
Later, Zhuang Zhuang and the little girl were assigned to the same class, only to know that she was more than half a year old than Zhuang Zhuang.
Zhuang Zhuang’s mother watched the little girl carefully and found that she was usually brought by her grandparents. The old man protected the child very well. She protected the child first in case of trouble, for fear that the child would be bullied.
In fact, every time there is unhappiness, it is usually because the little girl herself has unreasonable actions first, such as playing with toys without queuing up and moving things in other people’s hands casually, causing the other party to start work.
Zhuang Zhuang’s mother sighed with emotion:
[Her family is so protective of her, but they don’t know how to teach her the rules. What will she do when she goes to kindergarten and leaves her parents’ sight? No one wants their children to be bullied. Generally speaking, those children who understand the truth and are popular are less likely to be bullied.]
Yes, as early as 2010, an American study on the development of children’s emotional intelligence has confirmed:
Children who are more popular in the crowd are 60% less likely to be bullied than children with insufficient communication skills and weak behavior control.
We stepped forward to protect our children in the first place out of the instinct of loving them, but parents shoulder the same important responsibility as protecting their children:
Let children see and feel a positive and effective communication attitude as soon as possible, develop a popular social style, and gradually help children develop their ability to face and solve problems.
It is better to teach children when to fight back and when to back down than to help them fight back.
The two mothers in the previous [turf grab] incident, When her daughter was obviously treated unfairly, He did not immediately teach the two unreasonable boys a lesson, but kept a close eye on several children from beginning to end. Looking at their facial expressions, he knew that they were ready to stop them immediately [once the children had a physical collision]. After all, the children’s age gap is very large, and their strength is not in a segment at all.
This is one of the principles of intervention in conflicts between children: once there is a physical collision between the two sides, it should be stopped immediately, especially in the case of great disparity in strength between the two sides of the conflict.
Therefore, when facing the situation of their children [being robbed of territory], the two mothers did not seem to have [control], but were actually ready for [control].
At the same time, they clearly expressed the attitude of “mother can help if you need it” to their children, giving them spiritual support and encouragement. Only a child who feels safe in his heart has more courage to argue.
What is most admirable is that the two mothers showed calm and calm throughout the process, objectively analyzing each other’s mistakes to their children. How should be the right thing to do. They should try their best to output positive information to their children and help them understand the rights and wrongs, so as to master more active and effective communication methods.
This is the purpose of our children-not only to stop them, but to tell them that they can solve such problems in what. This is the old saying that “teaching people to fish is better than teaching people to fish”.
If the child has tried his best to solve the problem but has not achieved satisfactory results, for example, the two little girls, who first argued and then tried to show kindness to each other, but failed to achieve the goal of [playing together], then it can be imagined that the child’s mood must be depressed.
At this time, we should consider the child’s age and actual problem-solving ability. We don’t have to force the child to try more. We can calm the child’s mood with other things that interest the child. When the child calms down, we can discuss the correct method with the child.
Adults’ mentality is very important for conflicts between children. We need to understand that in many cases, conflicts are just a way for children to communicate.
For example, two children build building blocks together. This child wants to build blocks like this and that child wants to build blocks like that. The two are young and have very limited communication and understanding abilities. They cannot clearly express their thoughts or understand what the other party thinks. Conflicts naturally occur.
In the whole process, the two little parties did not have the concept of who was bullying whom.
At this time, adults must not criticize other people’s children just because they want to protect their children. Every child has his own guardian, and the way of guardianship has nothing to do with us in theory-every conflict in the process of growth, if handled properly, is of great significance to the growth of children.
When conflicts occur, instead of teaching and accusing other people’s children, it is better to focus on how to make our children reap positive growth.
After all, we cannot always be with our children, nor can we always rely on our own strength to protect our children.
The best way is to work with children and in social contacts with other people. When learning and understanding what, one can strive for it moderately, while what needs to give in appropriately.
Perhaps the children’s efforts have not achieved practical results, perhaps the children’s concessions sometimes exceed the bottom line, so let’s treat the children’s attempts with respect and be the most solid backing for the children forever.