The husband came home from work and collapsed on the sofa.
The daughter is playing with toys by the sofa while the wife is washing dishes.
The husband habitually took out his cell phone and played.
[Look at you, what else can you do when you get home every day besides playing games? ] The wife said angrily.
[What’s wrong with me? The husband did not lift his head.
[Very not easy to come back, also don’t say to play with the children.]
[Tired of work, can’t you go home and change your mind? ]
[Tired from work? Too tired for me to take care of the children? At least you still have time to play with your cell phone.]
Is it easy to pretend to be grandchildren in the company every day? Not for this family.]
[Come on, you didn’t make much money in that job! ]
What about you? Don’t you just take care of the children and have the right to call me? ]
[what’s name is to take care of the children? ! You can bring it! ]
… …
The daughter watched her parents quarrel with a frightened expression and cried with a loud voice.
[No matter how perfect a marriage is, there are 100 impulses to divorce]. 90% of the time, it is probably the daily quarrels between husband and wife that trigger the idea of divorce.
Trivial matters, daily necessities, often lead to fierce quarrels and heart-wrenching cold war.
People are strange creatures. We are full of patience and smiles to foreigners, but we are always extremely harsh on the person around us who has been with us for the longest time, has been in love for the longest time and has lived together for the longest time.
What exactly is the problem?
He has served hundreds of families and seen all kinds of couples. Teacher Zuo Fei, a family education consultant, hit the nail on the head: he can’t speak well and is the biggest [culprit] in the relationship between husband and wife.
What you say, what you spill out, and many times the small contradiction gap between husband and wife becomes an emotional rift over time because you can’t speak well.
It is really important to speak well.
The most emotional words, really don’t say
Step 1 Refuse to communicate
I really don’t bother to tell you!
Whatever you think, I can’t help it!
These words are like a door that prevents communication from going on. Negative evasive attitude will only make the other party more chilling. Over time, evasion becomes the norm and the problem cannot be solved.
STEP 2 Ignore giving
You just took the children!
You haven’t made much money in your last stupid shift!
It is very cruel to deny each other’s efforts with words like this. This method will not play an inspiring role, but may make each other feel that their efforts have not been recognized, have never recovered, or even [broken jars and broken falls].
Step 3 Contrast injuries
Look at her husband/wife how how and look at you again!
Such words usually only come in return: “Then you go with him/her!” ], often both sides are half dead with anger.
STEP 4 Deny Feelings
If it weren’t for the children, I wouldn’t have lived with you!
Divorce if you don’t want to! Who is afraid of who!
The last thing you should say is [divorce]. Divorce is a helpless choice when each other hates that marriage is hopeless, not a weapon used to blackmail each other in quarrels. The more you say, the more you deny marriage and feelings.
If the child is involved, the child may think after hearing this: [My parents quarreled because of me], which may bring shadow to the child.
5. Denial of the presence of the other party
Anyway, this family is the same with or without you!
Do whatever you like!
This kind of angry words will only arouse the opposition of the other party, and there is no way to achieve the goal of hoping the other party to change.
Why is it so difficult to speak well?
STEP 1 Be carried away by emotions
In fact, many people regret these angry words, but they will say them again next time. Why?
When you quarrel, you are carried away by your emotions and just want to vent, which leads to outspoken words when you are angry and regretful when you are calm, but it is too late.
2. Not knowing that you need what
When angry, it is easy to forget why you are angry and why you want the other party to make what changes.
In fact, I believe that most of the marriages now come together because of their feelings. In the marriage, everyone still hopes that the other party will give them more attention and love.
Speak well and you can do this.
The first thing to do is four words: empathy. If we say what we say, we will try it out for ourselves first. If we listen to it, we will explode, let alone our partners.
In addition, there are a few tips that can [ease conflicts] [pull back from the brink] during the critical period. As for the story of the quarrel that began:
STEP 1 Accept each other’s feelings
Husband, I know you are very tired at work, especially hard.
Wife, it’s not easy to take care of the children. Really, you are much more difficult than me.
In family life, the most important thing is that my efforts are recognized by others.
After gaining the approval of your lover, your heart will also become soft and easier to understand each other. You know me, I work hard, and I also understand that it is not easy for you to take care of children.
2. Express your feelings
I haven’t seen you all day. I want you to talk with me.
Wife, can you take a rest first and sit next to me with me?
Some people will feel uncomfortable. Such words as the task are [active weakness], but actually think about it, isn’t this their real idea?
Don’t think it’s easy, as just said, maybe when we are angry, we don’t even know that we really need what. Therefore, before blaming each other, we should first think clearly that we want each other to be what. Of course, what we want is definitely not a quarrel.
3. From extroverted attack to introverted declaration
I am very sad that you say so!
I will be very sad for you to do so.
If the other party hurts you verbally, please let him/her know. Living is not a war. Seeing the injured person will not pursue victory, but will give the other party a chance to reflect on his/her words and deeds.
Often this sentence is said, the other party will immediately [soften down] and turn to self-accusation. Don’t think that only women can use it, this trick is also very effective for men.
4. More constructive proposals
In this way, let’s make an agreement that after dinner every day, we will not play with our cell phones or do housework, and have fun with our children for an hour, ok?
It’s like [you always come home so late! [You are always holding on to your cell phone! This kind of quarrel is just a complaint and an emphasis on the status quo. It doesn’t help except to exchange a sentence [Do you really want how?].
You need to put forward more constructive suggestions and ways to improve or solve the problem.
5. Encouragement and recognition
Blame is impossible to make husband and wife progress together and become more intimate. On the contrary, encouraging each other in quiet times will make each other more willing to improve.
Wife, you seldom have time to chat with me today. This feeling is really good ~
Seeing this, I know that someone will definitely say: Why should I change? Why do you want me to show weakness?
In fact, there is really no so-called [victory or defeat] in marriage and relationship. There is always one person between husband and wife who is wiser and more flexible.
Instead of being controlled by emotions and hurting each other, it is better to continue to love each other in groping, don’t you think?