Although Ding Ma often stressed through articles that in the process of educating children, this method should be avoided, but there are still many parents who firmly believe that “a filial son is born under a stick” and “a child cannot be beaten without success”, believing that beating a child is for the good of the child and to prevent the child from going astray.
There are also some parents who, although they think it is not very good to beat their children, still hold them in their arms [they still have to beat them when necessary], or when their children are disobedient, they cannot help greeting them.
The most common way for these parents is [spanking]. They think it doesn’t matter if they spank twice with rough skin and thick flesh.
Even if we put aside the question of whether [spanking children] is right or not, spanking children’s buttocks is not what parents think, and there will be no what problem.
Tragedy under [Stick Education]
As an emergency doctor, the most saddening example I have encountered is that when parents educate their children, they do not lay hands on them lightly or seriously. When children are hit with problems, parents fail to find out in time due to lack of medical knowledge, which eventually leads to tragic accidents.
I have encountered such a thing once.
One night at more than 3 o’clock, I received an emergency call and rushed to the patient’s home. When I entered, I saw an 8-year-old child lying on the bed, no heartbeat, no breathing, and my body was cold.
His father sat there, completely blindsided, clutching his hair with both hands and muttering to himself: “How did this happen?” How did this happen? ]
I forgot to comfort my parents and asked while rescuing my children.
[What’s going on? ]
[Oh, my God! I killed him.]
[what told you to kill him? What happened to what? ]
[I hit him again and he was killed.]
[Where did you call? ]
[Just spank, not elsewhere.]
[Did you take a taxi when you were in what? ]
[It was over 7 o’clock last night.]
It has been more than eight hours since now… … …
This is a single-parent family. The child is disobedient. The father [hates iron but does not produce steel] and severely teaches the child with wooden boards. After beating the child, he let him go to bed. It is already too late to get up in the middle of the night to look after the child.
I quickly took off the child’s trousers and saw that the child’s buttocks were all blue and purple, with large subcutaneous bleeding on both sides and swelling. The attack was too harsh.
Although we knew that the possibility of rescue was unlikely, we tried our best to rescue it, but the miracle did not happen and the child could not be saved.
His father repeatedly hit his head against the wall with regret and drummed: “I never thought spanking could kill people. I just wanted to teach this disappointing child a lesson. If I had known this, I would never have hit him.”
Many people think that the buttocks are thick and cannot be broken.
In fact, it is precisely because the buttock muscle is rich, spanking is severe, will cause muscle cell rupture, release a large amount of potassium ions, and myoglobin. Excessive potassium ions in the blood will cause cardiac arrest, and myoglobin will block renal tubules after entering the blood circulation and flowing through the kidney, resulting in acute renal failure.
This is the same reason that the wounded who have been pressed for a long time in the earthquake are more likely to die after being rescued.
In this case, if parents understand some medical knowledge and find something wrong with their children, they should stop in time and go to the hospital for examination so that doctors can take necessary measures, the children may not die.
In my work, I have even seen children who were injured by cups and punished by their parents for not being allowed to eat and suffer from hypoglycemia. Although there is no such irreparable tragedy as spanking above, it has also caused a lot of damage to children’s body and mind.
When disciplining children, we really shouldn’t use these violent methods.
So what should be done to discipline children?
Let’s take a look at this scientific discipline principle compiled by Ding Ma.
Principles of scientific discipline
How to say that the child does not listen, let him go east and west, the more he does not let him do, the more he has to do,… the child always seems to be able to light our temper easily, and even feel [not to fight], the child makes a bear [just fight].
But can [playing] really help parents teach their children well?
In addition to bringing harm to the child’s body and mind and making himself a tiger mother and wolf father that scares the child, [beating] may also have long-term adverse effects on the child’s growth.
Instead of using [beating] to solve the immediate predicament when there is nothing we can do, it is better to discipline our children well at ordinary times.
Ding Ma sorted out the following discipline principles for parents’ reference:
STEP 1 Reach an agreement
In terms of educating children, the whole family should reach an agreement, not contradict each other, and send inconsistent messages to children.
2. Lead by example
Parents should set an example and do not [double standards] with their children. They should demonstrate to their children what they hope their children can do.
STEP 3 Clear Rules
The rules set for children should be clear. If they are ambiguous or say afterwards that this is not allowed and punish the children, then it is difficult for the children to abide by the rules.
Explain to the child in advance which behaviors are encouraged and which are not encouraged, and explain the reasons and consequences of foul.
4. Follow through
After the rules are established, parents must insist on them first, otherwise when children see that their parents do not take the rules seriously, they will also think that these rules are not important and it is nothing if they do not abide by them.
5. Bear the consequences
Let the child bear the consequences, knowing that some improper behavior will have some bad consequences, and these consequences need to be borne by himself. For example, if you want your child to take care of toys, don’t give him a new one immediately after the child breaks the toys.
6. Proper cold treatment
Sometimes children lose their temper, their emotions get out of control, and parents are also easy to get out of control. This situation gives both parties some time to calm down, at least when they can face the children calmly, then talk to the children.
If you have a lot of troubles recently and it is difficult to be calm with your child, let your other half discipline your child for the time being.
7. Don’t beat or scold children
Apart from being your child, the child is also an independent individual with thoughts, emotions and needs to be respected. Beating and scolding children not only fails to achieve the goal that parents think they can teach children well, but also brings harm to children’s body and mind.
Step 8 Affirm Good Behavior
Punishment is not the focus of discipline. When children do good behaviors, they can give verbal affirmation or some appropriate rewards to tell children that these behaviors are encouraging. However, don’t use rewards to induce children to do this and that.
If the children raised by themselves have to be solved by [beating] one day, parents may need to reflect on whether there were problems in previous education and communication.