Today’s article is a letter from readers. When the reply email asked why she wanted to be anonymous, the mother’s reply was:
Because this is a taboo topic.
This mother is a former elite in the workplace. For the sake of her two children, she has been at home full-time. She is a good mother and a good wife, but she has her own troubles that she dare not talk to the outside world.
Let’s look at her story.
If there were no babies, life would be how.
I have a best friend who is a best-selling female writer and a microblog blogger with millions of fans.
It is my [required course] to watch my best friend’s circle of friends and microblog every day. Although the more I look at it, the more angry I become and the more jealous I become, but I really can’t stop.
The same is true of a four-year-old person. In the photo, she is still slim and hot, with delicate eye makeup, which has hardly changed from that in college. Compared with herself, who is covered in fat and glossy in the mirror, she is deeply saddened.
Yes, just as I was glad that the dress I bought at a discount was not soiled by Eva, my best friend was flying from Beijing to Paris for Fashion Week.
Every weekend morning, I don’t have time to comb my head. I have to take my eldest brother to kindergarten after drinking two mouthfuls of milk and chewing bread. Where is my best friend? I am also in class, but I have my own yoga class! As for leisurely afternoon tea like her, let alone manicure.
After coaxing my second child to sleep in the afternoon, I only wanted half an hour to be able to paralyze Ge You on the sofa, watch a play comfortably and quietly and eat chicken feet with pickled pepper. I was already very satisfied.
My best friend’s life is like a thorn in my heart. My life has been occupied by thousands of children, and some of them are suffocating.
If I hadn’t had a baby, what would I be like now?
I am a competent mother and I love my children.
It is the bounden duty to have children. As a mother, who is not?
Regret being a mother? Is it too incompetent?
Please don’t be too busy criticizing me first. Indeed, I have regretted it many times, but in the end I persevered. Because of my children, I love them.
Maternal love is really great and terrible. This hot, strong and unique love seems to burn out all regrets and make me forget the original me.
The love the children returned to me also made me forget my troubles occasionally and become the happiest person in the world.
Looking at their innocent and lovely smiling faces, Thinking of the indelible and severable blood relationship between me and them, I know that although I always complain about not being free, having them is the most correct decision in my life. No matter happiness or suffering, they are the whole of my life, and all I do is to create a better life for them.
I got what? What I got was great happiness and joy. What I got was the dazzling blooming of my four-year-old son on the stage of the kindergarten New Year’s party. What I got was that my one-and-a-half-year-old daughter had to mumble and plant a saliva-covered kiss on my face.
I am not a bad mother. On the contrary, I am a mother, really simply!
However, I often reflect in the middle of the night. Is it worth it to exchange my independent and wonderful single life for what I am now?
Some of the lives occupied by children are breathless.
My husband is starting a business, leaving early and returning late every day, my mother-in-law is in poor health, and my parents are out of town, so I can only take my baby and children by myself, which is the whole of my life.
Every day when the eldest brother goes to school, he has to drive him to kindergarten for 20 minutes. When I get home, I have to play with my second child, make lunch, do housework, play and sleep with my second child… every day, big and small things exhaust my energy.
When they were comforted to sleep at night, there were a lot of dirty clothes to wash and the floor to be dragged. When everything was done, it was 12 o’clock when my husband came back and talked to him while watching American TV series. Finally, I had to force myself to climb to bed to sleep. The next day, I had to endure dark circles under my eyes and take my baby to start a new cycle.
Do I really have my own time? No, I don’t remember how long I didn’t go shopping alone and how long I didn’t go to tea and watch movies with my best friends. This feeling of squeezing out life and every second is the reason why I am really exhausted and suffocated.
I thought that sobbing in the middle of the night was just a melodramatic literary description. Unexpectedly, I myself would really sob in the middle of the night and burst into tears when taking a bath, just because I found myself trapped in the mire of life and could not escape.
I know that there must be other mothers who feel desperate as often as I do. However, it is still a social taboo to bravely admit that it is difficult to be a mother and that I sometimes hate the status of mother.
No one, no mother, dared to speak out loud.
The people acquiesce that as mothers, they should give everything to their children, their husbands and their families, pay attention to every step of their children’s growth, and take good care of all aspects of the family without making mistakes. The great pressure brought by this absurd social role orientation makes us breathless.
Despite sacrificing ourselves and everything as a woman to become a qualified mother, no one dares to speak out and no one is willing to listen to the huge price we have paid and the heavy shackles we bear.
Of course, there will be mothers complaining in a low voice, but have you found out? How careful and measured their complaints are, they complain in a playful tone of [need to drink to indulge occasionally], and this kind of joke is not funny, but very bitter.
Even this kind of joking complaint has not been noticed.
Sometimes, I just want to escape temporarily.
Sometimes I would communicate with my friends who are also mothers and ask them if they had ever thought about escaping from such a life. [Yes], every mother does.
They said with a smile that they missed the leisure on the previous weekend, the enjoyment of moving from cafe to bar with their best friends, the free and happy lingering with their husbands, and the various opportunities sacrificed for their children and families.
A friend once told me that she missed the life with her husband before she had children. Before she decided to have children, she and her husband had lived a two-person world for five years. At that time, they were able to enjoy life crazily. The freedom and freedom made her intoxicated.
Every time we see others sitting on the sofa watching a movie for a day in the circle of friends, taking a good nap at noon, or flying to Tokyo with our partners to watch cherry blossoms, we are all thinking: Did we do what wrong and live like this? In the meantime, it is necessary to
The right to complain every time the second child is unwilling to wear shoes when he is still going out, when the kindergarten teacher calls to say that the eldest brother pees his pants again in the kindergarten, I always feel chagrined and helpless to ask myself: My God! What kind of water did you think before you decided to have children? More than one? !
For me, what saddens me most is that no one has a grateful heart for my efforts.
As long as you complain about life, someone will tell you:
The child is still young, you should enjoy it! When you grow up, you can’t accompany you!
Who told you to decide to have a second child?
Therefore, these words are of no use to my current life except to make me look more like a dissatisfied housewife.
If life also has [one-touch restoration], how beautiful it would be. Unfortunately, there is no such thing.
Whenever I feel that being a mother exhausts my whole body, makes my life boring, and even feels like I am living like a walking corpse, I yearn for a period of free time that belongs to me and to myself in my heart.
However, when I did take a break to find a few hours of leisure, I was horrified to find that boredom and boredom had devoured me in the past few years, and I became a boring big momma.
I can’t help asking myself: If I hadn’t had children, life would have been how? If I insist on not having a second child, will life be how? Maybe I will become a best-selling writer? I will be the person who creates beauty and happiness! In the meantime, it is necessary to
Choose to accept in reality and slowly change in reality.
My best friend Su Jie is also a visual artist with two lovely children. Oh, it is more accurate to say that she was a former visual artist. Maybe when the children grow up, Su Jie will return to her old job? Maybe.
Su Jie said: The growth of children is above all else for me, because shouldn’t a mother put her children in the most important position? But at the same time, this status of mother occupies almost all of my life, so that I can’t have any room for creativity.
The status of a mother seems like some kind of fate that is hard to get rid of. You must devote all your energy to your children. Even if you take a few hours of leisure while the children are sleeping and want to resume your old job, drawing, writing or reading, you will find that you have no energy and will soon be back into the process of caring for the children.
Those friends who didn’t want children insisted on painting, or driving saloon cars to visit the country, writing and creating, all of which deeply hurt Sister Su. Bouts of jealousy welled up in my heart.
I once asked her how it felt.
I never regret it, but deep in my heart, deep in my heart, I understand that life has not been left to myself, to my hobbies, any free time, there are still many things to do on the list of life, but nothing belongs to me. “
I also fantasized that if I didn’t have children, life would be how. My husband smiled and said to me, maybe you become a drug addict.
Who knows! Maybe I will spend money and die alone, and then I may regret not being a mother.
He also reminded me that being a mother and raising children have also cultivated many skills for you. Maybe from another angle, you have succeeded.
Perhaps, he is also right. The way to deal with it seems that it is completely impossible to find a way to take a moment away from the current life.
So I understand that I need to take a moment off my current life, and I don’t need to feel guilty about my actions. Perhaps my husband, too, needs to start taking on some family responsibilities, instead of always taking care of everyone by himself.
Fortunately, I found a part-time job, and my mother-in-law was in good health. She usually worked at home with her baby. Although it was very hard, it was very full.
I seem to have come back to life.
Work requires occasional travel to other places. Now my little daughter has been successfully weaned, so my mother-in-law can occasionally come and help nurse for two days.
Finally, I had another chance to travel abroad alone. It’s really great to be able to enjoy a city trip alone.
Devoting oneself to work, having meetings with colleagues while drinking coffee, enjoying a bath in the hotel, reading on the train, delicious dinner, everything, all make people intoxicated.
When I came back from my last trip, my son asked me,
Mom, you will miss us except when you eat, right?
Of course! Even if I have only been away for two days, I can’t help crying when I see you in the mobile phone video. I can’t help but want to get into the screen and hug you immediately. This kind of missing really makes people heartache.
However, it is also such a short separation that makes me understand the meaning of life more clearly.