Have you ever been shy?
If the answer is yes, then you have something in common with most people.
Most [tension] is normal
It is possible for each of us to experience worry, worry and fear, especially when facing important things, such as an interview, a speech or a first date.
These negative emotions with subjective color are collectively referred to as [anxiety].
Mild or moderate anxiety rarely affects a person’s psychological coping ability. On the contrary, it can also encourage us to try new things.
In this sense, anxiety is beneficial to us.
Fear is another term commonly used to describe this emotional response, which is considered to be one of the basic emotions shared by human beings and other animals.
Normal emotional reactions can help people form behaviors that reduce environmental threats and improve their coping level.
Suffering from social phobia?
However, there are also some people who are troubled by this kind of emotion and seriously disturb their daily life.
For example, when communicating with others, talking with strangers, doing things under the gaze of others, talking in public, etc., there will be similar performances as follows:
- Feel flush on one’s face; The heart beat faster and even the whole body trembled. Clumsy, embarrassed, afraid to look up, afraid to look at others; Feel embarrassed and ashamed. Afraid of becoming the object of ridicule, I want to take the opportunity to escape.
If this situation continues, it may be a social phobia.
Cognitive habits [create] social fears
Many people’s social phobia begins as a teenager and is often caused by certain cognitive habits, including:
- Overestimation of possibility; The idea of disaster; A rigid doctrine; Excessive pursuit of appreciation.
For example, this is the case:
You are going to speak in a public place. You feel very nervous about this, worry that you are not speaking well enough, and even less want people to see how nervous you are.
Among them, most of the anxiety comes from cognitive habits, such as:
- Disastrous idea: If I can’t speak well, the consequences will be very serious and it will definitely be a disaster. Rigid creed: I must show that I am not nervous at all, and others must never see me like this; Possibility overestimation: If they find me so nervous, then I will become the laughing stock of everyone and will never be ashamed to see anyone again.
Change Cognition and Overcome Social Fear
At this time, it is especially effective to use [cognitive reconstruction technology] to interrogate our ideas.
We can refute these [self-defeating] perceptions in this way and objectively measure the basis for supporting or opposing these ideas:
- The idea of disaster: They will see that I can’t, Very incompetent. Basis for supporting this idea: I have practiced many times, but I still failed. Basis for opposing this idea: This is only my first speech, and most people cast encouraging eyes at me. Revised belief: They will not look down on me because I did not perform well. It is normal for anyone to be nervous when touching a speech.
When people lose the ability to look at things objectively and only pay attention to the current situation instead of looking at the overall situation, the idea of disaster is easy to come into being.
At this time, [risk assessment] is very helpful to the establishment of our cognition.
Assessing the possibility of various results can enable us to take a step back and objectively think about our own situation, consider the worst results that may occur, and what kind of situation should how deal with specifically.
Remind myself that I can deal with any result.
Visual Imagination to Overcome Social Anxiety
In addition to cognitive technology, [visual imagination] technology can also be used.
Generally speaking, it is to gradually expose ourselves to the situation of fear and let us face the situation of fear in a gentle way.
- At the beginning, it is best to lie down and take some time to relax your body. Then, use your imagination and do [practice] in your mind: imagine yourself entering the lecture hall; When I saw my speech, I spoke clearly, with natural expression, full of confidence and unhurried. Imagine that the audience was also concentrated and applauded warmly after their speech.
For a period of time before the speech starts, practice this imagination every day and combine it with [cognitive reconstruction technology].
This can help us keep calm during real speech and significantly reduce anxiety levels.
Objective Measurement Makes Anxiety More Controllable
Another example is this situation:
You were invited to the dinner and found no one you knew.
Just as you entered the door, the meeting suddenly quieted down. At this time, you felt everyone was staring at you. You felt so nervous, but at this time someone came to talk to you.
You suddenly felt your face was very hot and you were uncomfortable all over. You thought secretly in your heart: No, they all saw that I was very nervous.
You dare not face up to others and do not know that you should say something about what.
You feel more and more that you don’t belong here, so you have to shrink aside and say nothing. You feel that others must think you are stupid and always want to find a chance to sneak away.
Let’s objectively measure the basis of our worries.
- Possibility Overestimation: My performance is really too bad. I’m sure everyone will think I look silly when they see me blushing.
The basis for supporting this idea: First, where there are many people, my thinking will be very chaotic. I think it is silly to show nervousness in front of others.
The basis for opposing this idea: some people cast friendly eyes at me and others wanted to chat with me.
To be honest, what is most likely to happen: everyone is chatting and seems not to pay special attention to my performance.
Revised belief: Although my performance is not perfect, I am not stupid either.
Through a more reasonable and appropriate view, our anxiety level can be significantly reduced.
Although there is still a certain degree of anxiety, after objectively measuring the basis of the worry, we can make the anxiety no longer out of control.
Practice your skills and become more and more outstanding.
You can also practice some social skills.
Psychologists and therapists will teach people some basic social skills, such as eye contact, pronunciation and intonation, posture and posture, through demonstration, correction and role-playing.
These skills can also be obtained through books, online courses, etc.
Then, we can apply these skills to practice and take images of social practices, so that we can have the opportunity to see our actual reactions.
Such exercises can reduce anxiety in social situations, and can obtain more positive responses. They can also obtain feedback on social behaviors and opportunities to practice new skills.