In the first year after the baby is born, the most troublesome thing is the big event of sleeping. Looking at all kinds of sleep training methods, mothers are stirring up, hoping that their sleep residue will one day become angel babies, and the whole family can sleep until dawn!
However, after trying all kinds of methods, the baby and himself were tormented, but the baby still couldn’t sleep well. Why?
Maybe your sleep training started too early.
The reason for this is that Dr. Clove invited Mr. Chen Sang, a sleep consultant, to have a talk with you today.
Don’t start sleep training too early
When we haven’t mastered enough sleep knowledge and haven’t evaluated the family environment and the individual differences of our children, blindly starting [training] is tossing ourselves and tossing our children, and the effect is inevitably unsatisfactory.
Why do you say that?
1. Babies of different ages have different sleep patterns. Maybe they are not ready yet.
The baby’s sleep pattern will change with the change of age. If the expectation of the baby exceeds their current physiological and developmental ability, then you may always think [he just doesn’t sleep well! ]
Here is a list of the sleep time and duration of babies of different ages that I have summarized based on various sleep data and practical consultation experience:
One month: waking time 5 ~ 60 minutes (basically tired to sleep), sleep at least 16 hours a day, sleep more than 5 hours during the day, there will be many naps during the period, there is no rule
2-4 months: 1-2 hours of awake time, 15-18 hours of sleep every day, 3-6 hours of sleep during the day, and 2-3 naps during the period.
4-6 months: 1.5-3 hours of awake time, 14-16 hours of sleep every day, 4-5 hours of sleep during the day, and 2-3 naps during the period.
6-9 months: 2-3 hours of awake time, 14-15 hours of sleep every day, 3-4 hours of sleep during the day, and 2-3 naps during the period.
9 ~ 12 months: awake time 2.5 ~ 4 hours, sleep 13 ~ 14 hours every day, sleep about 3 hours during the day, and take a nap 2 ~ 3 times during the period.
12-18 months: awake time 3-4 hours (), sleep for 13-14 hours every day, sleep for 2-3 hours during the day, and take a nap 1-2 times during the period.
After 18 months: Wake up for 5-6 hours, sleep for 13-14 hours every day, sleep for about 2 hours during the day, and take a nap once during the period.
Therefore, when there is a conflict between the sleep of one’s own baby and other babies or even adults, the mother should not worry first. As long as she soothes the baby according to the current sleep habits of the month age and combines the child’s individual biological clock, the child will fall asleep more easily.
2. Babies always don’t sleep well, maybe there is a reason for it.
Children’s poor sleep is usually affected by many factors. Inadequate nutrition intake? Lack of high-quality company during the day? Is the sleep environment not suitable? These details will lead to fluctuations in sleep quality.
If the baby learns to sleep only through intervention and ignores some potential reasons, it is also a kind of demanding for the child.
3. This is a family problem that requires the whole family to work together.
During sleep training, children will not adapt to changes in adults’ response methods and will inevitably cry.
If the elders can’t stand the children’s short crying and can’t agree with the necessity of sleep training, then questioning and obstruction will definitely make you feel very difficult, and you may not be able to stick to it for a few days.
It is very important to get the support of family members and reach an agreement.
Sleep training, who is trained?
When we are saying [my child will not sleep without milk, and my child will not sleep without hugging], the real meaning is that I have no choice but to nurse him or pick him up.
In fact, parents are making changes and choices in sleep training, and children are just recipients. We are testing ourselves to be patient and tolerant of children’s crying, rather than simply stopping children from crying.
Seeing here, you also understand that sleep training is for parents themselves.
You are guiding yourself to make changes. Children perceive your emotions by reading your body language, voice and expression, and then make changes. Mom is upset and the child is upset, mom is nervous and the child cries, and vice versa.
To a certain extent, this matter is a struggle against motherhood and instinct. It is indeed a little cruel. However, it depends on the parents themselves whether to make changes and what kind of efforts to make for it.
If you want to do a good job of sleep training, you must first do these three things well.
In my personal counseling experience, I gradually realized that sleep training is usually repeated and twists and turns in families that raise children together with their elders.
Mothers often cannot control or decide how to raise their children, including their sleep. This feeling of powerlessness will make mothers more anxious.
1. You can let your elders leave temporarily.
If you don’t get the support of your elders, you can get back more initiative and decision-making power on children’s sleep after communication. You can ask your elders to take a vacation during sleep training. In two plus one families with only parents and babies, sleep training is often much smoother.
2. Find out why and lower expectations
There are many possible reasons why children do not sleep well. Try to make adjustments in work and rest, sleeping environment, peace before going to bed and other aspects to lower our expectations of children’s sleep. Even children who rely on coaxing sleep can sleep better.
Take a mother I helped for example:
The mother went back to work after maternity leave. When she came home every night, the child was already sleepy, so she had to coax the child to sleep quickly. However, the child always wanted to play with her mother. Even if she was sleepy, she refused to sleep. It seemed that she deliberately opposed her mother. The more she coaxed her mother to sleep, the more agitated she became.
After in-depth understanding, I suggest that the mother give the child more hugs and company before going to bed, turn off the lights and cell phones, and then quietly accompany the child in a dark environment. The mother can pay more attention to herself instead of staring at the child all the time.
After a few days, the mother was pleasantly surprised to find that the child’s resistance to falling asleep became less and fell asleep faster.
In fact, the child just wants a little company. When we meet the needs of the child, create a good sleep atmosphere and pass on our calm emotions to the child, the child will also respond positively.
3. Put down your anxiety and take good care of yourself.
Accept your child’s current sleep pattern. It doesn’t matter if your child sleeps more and less. Don’t torture yourself. Let go of the so-called sleep hours, work and rest standards, and when you wake up or sleep at night, try to face your child with company instead of anxiety. Perhaps neither your child nor you will be so upset.
In fact, as a mother, Mr. Chen Sang often reminds himself-
Take care of your emotions first, then take care of your children.
If we are tired, nervous and depressed, we can let our elders and teammates take over. When the child faces a relaxed mother, he will fall asleep more easily.