We always say that children are [Xiong Haizi] and always put forward various [unreasonable demands].
I want to buy new toys, new clothes and snacks.
Many times, parents will refuse their children’s demands:
Where did you get so much money? Follow the child’s wishes and let him toss and turn.
Is there only YES OR NO to answer such [unreasonable demands] of children? Dr. Clove invited Han Yan, a lecturer in positive discipline of parents, to express her views.
The first story: In a word, kill the beauty in children’s hearts,
The main character of the first story is a little girl.
The little girl’s grandmother took the little girl to play in a playground in an upscale community.
When the three or four-year-old girl saw other children coming out of the unit door with entrance guard, she said yearning:
Grandma, I also want to live in a house with credit card, big garden, sand playing and holes drilling!
Hearing this, his grandmother opened the Tang Priest mode without thinking:
Oh, my ancestors, this house is not affordable for us. With your parents’ salary, you can’t afford a house in Beijing without food or drink all your life. It’s good to be able to provide you with kindergarten…
The little girl was disappointed. She looked around with self-esteem. Her eyes were red and her pie mouth wanted to cry but she didn’t cry.
She stayed on the slide for about a few tens of seconds, slipped down and said to Grandma:
Let’s go.
When the story was heard here, Dr. Clove felt very sorry for the little girl for a moment. Innocent, she cherished a beautiful dream and hoped to become a little princess living in a new house. However, she was bludgeoned by her grandmother and cut off her yearning.
What Dr. Clove hoped Grandma would say was:
OK, go back and tell Mom and Dad to let them work hard and try to get us to live in such a good house early.
In this way, it not only protects the child’s beauty, but also plants the seeds in her heart that it is possible to realize her wish through hard work.
These are the words that are most often heard in life and make children extremely depressed:
Where can we afford it? Where can we afford it? How can we compare with their family? You shouldn’t want this thing, do you know how much it will cost your parents’ salary… … …
They are like sharp swords, which make children dare not put forward their own demands, stifle their expectations for the future, and imprison them in front of them.
The second story: No money? Does not affect children’s yearning for beauty,
Some people may say:
Beauty is piled up with money. Without money, talk about what’s beauty?
To tell the truth, beauty is not necessarily related to money.
Let’s look at the second story with Dr. Clove. The main character of the story is a little boy.
The little boy followed his family to the supermarket to buy things. He saw cherries on the shelf and could not walk.
The little boy didn’t cry or make any noise, but just repeated to his parents:
Mom and Dad, I have never eaten this kind of fruit before.
My parents looked at each other, a little embarrassed. But hesitated for a moment, father took a deep breath and said:
I’ll buy two catties and try them before I eat them. Dad can buy five or six catties when he applies for a one-day shift on the second day of the junior high school.
Turning his head, his father put a bag of weighed beef back to the counter, and his mother whispered:
That’s your favorite spiced beef… … …
Dad’s answer was very touching:
It’s okay for me to eat less, and it’s not that I haven’t eaten before. The child needs to be more knowledgeable. He may think that’s the case after eating, and he may prefer to eat, but we can’t stop his desire to taste, can we?
The father’s [idea of trying] is the child’s yearning for a thing or a kind of life, which is to a large extent the driving force for a better life.
The main character of the third story is the mother of two children.
The mother worked very hard. Her husband went to jail. She took her children to study in the county seat. The eldest was in Grade 2 and the second was in preschool. Without the help of the elderly, she was alone inside and outside.
The mother was too tired to take care of her two children by herself every day. But she had a bright smile on her face every day. She took the two children to a restaurant every weekend. The two children were also very good in character. Some people teased them maliciously and asked why their father was not at home all day.
The children answered with one voice:
My father has gone south to make money!
A few years later, the child’s father came home and the whole family moved to the southern home together.
Others asked her, why did she leave her hometown and go abroad to earn a living?
The mother smiled and said:
The children are still young and cannot be bullied too early because of adults. My eldest brother has always said that when he grows up, he will be a policeman. In case anyone says something bad, how miserable will the children feel?
Hearing this, Dr. Clove couldn’t help but sigh with emotion: With such a good mother who can play a bad card with a good hand, their life will not be bad.
Don’t let the mentality of [unworthy of beauty] accompany your child all his life.
Teacher Han Yan finished three stories and also shared his own story.
The environment in which many people grow up is exclusive to beautiful things, at least on the surface.
Whoever’s daughter perms her hair and wears high heels will be pointed out [foreign], which means boasting. Those who go too far will also be kidnapped morally, whispering that their parents are still wearing patched clothes. The younger generation will do it first.
From childhood to adulthood, she accepted the idea that girls’ love of beauty must affect their study, so she began to grow long hair after graduating from college.
This is not the only thing affected. The most terrible thing is that for a long time I felt that I [should not and should not have beautiful things]:
Clothes only look at discounts, and I don’t know for a long time that I am suitable for what style. As long as you can eat enough, the restaurant environment does not matter. The things in the family only pursue usefulness and throw them away when they are used up.
This [unworthy of beauty] mentality slowly changed after contacting several friends who paid attention to the quality of life. Later, she had a baby and wanted to give her all the beautiful things she could.
Another friend, who has been working for more than ten years, has been tossing and turning. She asked why she seldom stopped. Her answer was this:
We are all ordinary people from ordinary families. It is our destiny to become a struggling generation. After experiencing material poverty, we should at least try our best to give our children a relatively peaceful living environment so that they can see more beautiful things after being satisfied with basic food and clothing.
Knowledge determines a person’s pattern to a large extent. The more experience, the more settled and open-minded the children will be. Because children’s daily experiences will be combined into their lives. As parents, we determine their experiences to a large extent.
Therefore, when children show strong interest in things they have never experienced before, even if we cannot meet their needs for the time being, we should not destroy the beauty in their hearts and carefully protect their longing hearts.
It is those small or large wishes that inadvertently broaden the width of children’s lives…
Dr. Clove still remembers Dong Qing, who has brushed all over her circle of friends. When she talked about her childhood of “not being able to look in the mirror or wear clothes”, even if she finally received an apology from her father, her heart was still extremely regretful.
I hope our children have a heart with a beautiful yearning for the future.