What kind of parenting view is [correct]?
Today, the BBC documentary shared by Dr. Clove may give us some inspiration.
This documentary, called “Parenting Secrets”, is about different ways of parenting in Britain. However, we can find examples of several parents mentioned in the program that can be used in the right place.
The documentary was led by Anne Robinson, a famous British [Poisonous Tongue] host. She is a well-known host. When she was young, she succeeded in her career and drank too much after marriage, which led to the loss of custody of her daughter when she was two years old. It was not until her daughter came of age that she worked hard to repair the mother-daughter relationship.
The film tells the story of seven types of parents, plus the [incompetent] mother represented by host an, which presents a total of eight different ways of parenting in British society.
Different types of parents and different views on child-rearing, let’s take a look at which one we are more like. Can you find the secret of your child-rearing?
There are 1,000 families and 1,000 ways to raise children.
1. [Tiger Mother]
Mother A is of African descent and has three children. She grabs the child very tightly and has high expectations for the child.
The time for children to study and take extra-curricular activities is 12 hours a day. After school, take the children directly to the gym for training. Take the bus for more than two hours before changing to the train. Dinner is prepared in advance and you eat it on the train. She keeps encouraging her children to be taller, faster and better. [If you have a good job in the future, a big house, you have to work hard now.] At present, it looks quite fruitful, and the walls are full of certificates of merit.
2. [Sheep Herder]
Mother B, on the other hand, is a [sheep herder], white, stay-at-home mother and has five boys.
She believes that philosophy and basic skills are the focus of early childhood education. There is no timetable at home and there is no strict and thorough early childhood education syllabus. Her 5-year-old and 6-year-old sons do not go to school. They go to the woods with her for a day every day and go wherever they go. She agrees with the Nordic education method and prepares to officially start their children’s reading and writing education at the age of 7.
3. [Super Full-Time] Mother
Mother C has 6 children and takes care of them full-time at home. In her family, the father has no what decision on child-rearing.
Before the age of two, the child will not leave the body and cannot be handed over to his father. At night, she slept with three children. The child drank as much milk as he wanted, and the child held it as long as he wanted. She was tutoring her own child at home. There was a scene in which she held the milk baby, teaching one daughter multiplication table while teaching another child English, and did not see another child obviously making trouble.
4. [Manual] Mother
Mother D raised her children according to the manual. She has three children and a shelf of parenting books.
She has a child-rearing method called “macaroni jar”, That is, if each child has achieved a goal (e.g. Eating well and tidying up the room), put three macaroni in a jar. Each child has done it, and everyone has a reward to avoid competing with each other. If the jar is full, there will be a reward. At this moment, the host could not help but poison his tongue, [you are doing this just like I trained my dog].
5. Working Mothers
Mother E is an executive in the workplace and has 4 children. It is not the same to leave early and return late to go abroad on business.
Because of her high income and pressure, she asked someone to take care of the children, and her husband was willing to work from home and cook for the children. She missed many important moments in the child’s growth because of her work, but she said that she was happier to go out to work, although society often made professional women like her feel guilty.
Interestingly, the status of the girls in her family is obviously higher than that of the boys, and they are also more confident. Girls all want to be professional women like their mothers and find a family-friendly husband.
6. Rule-minded Dad
Dad F has a green stab on his arm and is still a devout Christian. His family has 4 children.
At home, he emphasizes rules and obedience. His wife is completely obedient to him, and the children are very obedient and polite. He and each child have one-on-one time every month, going out for coffee and heart-to-heart talks to ensure that they can pray with the children frequently. His eldest daughter is nearly 19 years old and will hold his hand when talking to him.
7. [Grassroots] Single Dad
Father G is a single father with five children. He receives a welfare fund and takes a temporary job. He lives in a low-rent house. He has tried all kinds of educational methods, including spanking. The house is a mess and the children are jumping on the bed in their shoes.
Seeing here, many people may have defined him as loser. But he picked up the children in the morning and evening and cooked for them every day. Sometimes he bought the cheapest food, sometimes he came from donated food.
There is no TV in their home, so after dinner, he plays puppet shows for the children. And the children often help with housework. He does not accompany the children to do homework, but each of his children is among the best in school performance, and one of his sons also published a poem. In the program, the host Ann reads the children’s poems and feels very general.
The views on parenting in the program are different, like a spectrum, with one end being [the mother’s full contribution] and the other end being [the mother’s duty] single father.
Host Ann did not comment on who was right and who was wrong, who was good and who was bad, but sighed with emotion:
Nowadays, people all pursue an impossible goal, that is, to be perfect parents.
Is what the secret behind such different ways of raising children?
Behind every way of raising children is the parents’ values and their living environment.
In our current environment, some parenting ideas and methods will be regarded as [correct] and pushed to the public, and there will be completely different feedback.
In the film, the two mothers A and B of the main line are going to visit their respective homes and communicate with each other. During the exchange visits, [Tiger Mother] Mother A could not help but quietly call her husband and say, “I don’t know words at the age of five, can’t I?” ]
Later, she also admitted: [Because she is the first generation of immigrants, she hopes her children will have a better future through hard work.] However, Mother B, who is used to raising children like sheep, said: [Take your time, don’t worry.]
So, is it better for others to raise their children?
Perhaps on the surface, it can reach some of our psychological expectations, but whether it is suitable for ourselves requires us to re-examine our values and living environment.
So, is there a correct way to raise children?
Our brains like regular things, definite and rule-based rules, which makes us feel safe.
However, life is not neat and uniform, and cannot be trimmed into a desirable style and put into a formula. The same is true of child-rearing. You can’t apply a certain child-rearing method to yourself and force the exposed part to trim off.
As parents, we often worry and hope to make [the right decision] for our children. However, can we be sure that our children’s living environment will be the same as ours in the future? Our own adaptation to the current values, where to children, will also be suitable for their future living environment? We are also changing and growing with the changes of the environment. How can we expect to help our children make [absolutely correct] decisions?
At the end of the day, the secret of child-rearing lies in parents’ values. It is very important not to be blinded by all kinds of [child-rearing views]. It is very important to find the one that is most suitable for one’s family.
The most important quality, value and vision you want to convey to your children is what?
A year later, three years later, ten years later, your thoughts may change.
In a changing life, change is the only constant, while child-rearing, Do not forget your initiative mind and so as to achieve your final goal.