As their children grow up day by day, many parents find that their children are getting further and further along the [Xiong Haizi] road.
When he was two or three years old, he talked about [no] all day long. When he was four or five years old, he almost evolved into a [small bar essence].
Call him to eat, he said: I just want to eat ice cream now!
Let him watch TV for no more than half an hour, he said: This is not fair!
Urged him to go to bed early, he said, “why should I listen to you?” !
When the child can’t speak, he is expecting him to speak early all day long. Now the child is talking more and more smoothly, but the old father and mother want him to shut up every minute!
If you are so young, you will [talk back]. Is this a revolt? If you grow up in the future, you will get it?
[Bar] Is the Inevitable Performance of Children’s Growth Stage
Children have learned to talk back, which is not an example.
Many parents said that by the age of four or five, the children had become like this as discussed.
In fact, talkback is a concrete manifestation of a child’s development to a specific stage and a signal of psychological development.
1. Talking back is to express one’s demands and opinions.
He wanted to go out for a ride on the weekend, but his mother arranged a piano audition for him.
No matter how my mother advised me, I just didn’t want to go for a ride. I also retorted: Why should I go? You didn’t get my consent at all!
Grandma chased after each other to feed noodles, but did not eat them.
Grandma saw that it was useless to persuade her, so she complained that Duoduo did not eat well and loved stubbornness.
Duoduo asked angrily: I don’t like noodles, why do I have to eat them?
It is not difficult for us to find that the reason why we go around [talking back] is that our opinions have not been taken seriously, while the reason why we cannot eat is that we tell the truth.
These [back talks] are actually just children expressing their needs.
Just because the child’s behavior does not meet the parents’ expectations, it is defined as [disobedient] [talking back].
2. Talking back is also a child testing the bottom line.
Pumbaa wanted ice cream, but his mother refused him because she was worried that he would eat bad food.
Pumbaa felt unfair and asked his mother: Why can others eat? Why don’t their stomachs hurt? Me too!
In fact, at this time, the child is not talking back, but testing your bottom line.
If you can only say [talk back] at this time? On the contrary, it may appear that parents are guilty and let their children take advantage of the loopholes.
On the contrary, you have to tell him that the rules are the rules. Since we have agreed, we are not allowed to be broken. I will insist, and I hope you can insist at the same time.
As can be seen from the above examples, with the expansion of contact scope and knowledge, children begin to try to [separate] themselves from the world. They hope to control more things and establish their own boundaries.
In other words-children grow up and have their own ideas.
It is normal to talk back, so should children be allowed to go?
If we do not let our children [talk back] in order to maintain authority, it is actually [laziness] in education.
If we stop it now, we can harvest an obedient and good child, but in the long run, the child’s expression ability will be stifled and his ability to think will gradually be lost.
Long-term communication in a [bar] way is indeed not conducive to positive communication between parents and children.
How can this situation be reversed?
I have summed up three steps, hoping to help everyone get rid of the positive situation with their children.
Step 1 Order less and wait more
Most of the time, the child’s [back talk] makes parents feel that their authority is offended.
In order to reshape the authority, parents often refuse their children in an involuntary tone and order them to carry out it in their own way.
However, doing so often only makes children feel that they are controlled and unequal in personality with their parents.
If children establish such cognition, they will not only lose the ability to think independently, but also easily become only Nuo Nuo and dare not express their opinions.
If you encounter such differences again in the future, you can give your child more opportunities to reflect:
Mom felt very offended when you said so.
But you can think it over and we will communicate when you think it over.
Step 2 Use guidance instead of quarrelling
When the child [talks back] to you, guide the child to think about the problem in the way of [talking back], guide them to tell the reason and fully express themselves.
The child refused to eat when he came back from school. After coaxing the child several times, he became anxious:
Always let me eat, don’t eat!
At this time, if you say arbitrarily [how did you learn to talk back], the reason will probably be buried and you cannot pay attention to it.
On the contrary, you can ask: Is there something wrong? Did what happen in kindergarten? Do you want to stay alone for a while?
A good parent-child communication may begin in this way.
Children’s ability to express and analyze will also be trained in communication.
Parents should be like competent assistants, asking their children to speak out their problems and put forward their own reasonable opinions to choose from.
Step 3: Show the bottom line
Most of the rules are actually established during the running-in, especially between parents and children.
Most of the time, in the face of children’s excuses, it is difficult for parents to judge whether the children are expressing their opinions or [talking back].
At this time, in fact, we can show our children the bottom line and state where the boundary is. Within this boundary, you can come and reason with me.
For example:
It is OK to express one’s opinions but not to lose one’s temper.
Reasoning can be done, but one cannot say that one does not respect one’s parents.
The established rules and arguments will not change.
If the child breaks these principles, then you can also let him bear certain consequences.
On the one hand, it can make children abide by the bottom line; On the other hand, it can also help you shape a sense of authority.
At the end of the day, the essence of a child [talking back] is that he has grown up and has his own ideas, but his parents have not kept up with him and have always treated him like a child.
Give the child the opportunity to speak, adhere to the principle, and respect the child’s opinions at the same time. You will find that the communication between parents and children will become smoother and smoother, and the situation of children [talking back] will become less and less!