Quarrel with the child and turn yourself into a [baby].
It is more painful to quarrel with children than to fall out with one’s best friend.
Quarrelling with children, the truth and logic of the adult world all failed in an instant.
What is it like to quarrel with your baby?
Injustice, tired heart, body can’t find out the hole.
A feeling of incomprehension.
Today, I want to share with you a story about quarrelling with my baby.
The mother wrote down a [unforgettable] conflict between herself and her daughter in words.
That day, only Hongdou and I were at home.
Red bean father is not here, I had a very fierce conflict with red bean, I didn’t expect her reaction to be so strong, also didn’t expect I would lose control.
Therefore, both sides are hurt.
My baby and I had a clash over a small matter
The cause of the incident was that I put the two advertising brochures into the carton as garbage, thinking that I could throw them away when I went out the next day. I was occasionally found by red beans and wanted to save the two [books].
At first, she was relatively gentle. She said, This is a book. My book cannot be thrown away.
I said, this is not a book, it is an advertisement. We have many books in our family.
She protested, mine! Mine! This is the book! Can’t throw it away!
I said, this is not a book, you see, it opens a piece of paper, the book is page by page.
This is the first mistake I made. Red Bean’s focus should be [mine], and I just want to explain to her that what is a book, what is not a book. This is a typical dialogue between rational brain and emotional brain, and it doesn’t make sense at all.
The result was that the more I said, the more angry she became, and finally she was so angry that she rolled on the ground and cried.
Then I made the second mistake, adding fuel to the fire.
Seeing Hongdou crying like this, I thought it was very funny. I took out my cell phone video and showed it to her without fear of death. She was really furious and I deserved it.
As she cried, she stretched out her hand to take a picture of me and said, Don’t take a picture! Don’t take pictures!
Seeing that I didn’t cooperate, I was even more angry and cried, saying, Mom, go away! You go away!
I also didn’t take this sentence as pettish and protest, and went away to prepare for bed.
All mothers know how tight the evening time is. They have to arrange dinner, wash and rinse, read books and play games. After they finish their work quickly, they have to wash their hair, bathe, brush their teeth and tell bedtime stories. The schedule is very full!
Then I made a third mistake.
She cried for a long time and did not accept mediation. I decided to cancel the reading together without authorization and directly drained the water to call her to wash her hair.
Red beans hate shampoo most, usually shampoo also have to coax, this time in a bad mood, but also firmly protest:
I don’t want to wash my hair! No shampoo! I want to tell a story!
Although she has some truth, I am also a little agitated and patiently discuss with her. Shall we tell stories while washing our hair?
She reluctantly agreed, I quickly finished the battle in three minutes, washed my head and prepared to put it directly in the bathtub and then take a bath.
Probably against her wishes, take off your clothes and cry! Take off your diapers and cry! Put the bathtub in and keep crying!
In the water, she finally felt a little better and began to play with the water.
Then I made the fourth mistake, urging + doing it on my behalf.
I urged her to take a bath quickly, otherwise it would be too late, and tried to pick up the sponge to help her take a bath.
This [agent] touched her scales again. She took the sponge from my hand and beat the water hard, wetting my clothes.
My mood is also very bad, so I told her that my mother needs to calm down and take a bath yourself first.
After a while I went in again, she still sat and patted the water. A lot of water had been sprinkled on the ground, and my anger came up again.
I said, if you don’t want to take a bath by yourself, I will help you do it.
I stretched out my hand directly to help her rub it. She was furious and said, Mom, go away!
Then she pushed me hard with her hand. I was unprepared and was pushed off the chair and fell to the ground.
At that time, I became angry from my heart and made the fifth mistake. I cleaned her up three times five divided by two and dragged her out of the bathtub directly with a bath towel.
She made a lot of money and cried and cried. I wanted to hold her tightly, but now she is not the baby I can restrict my movements with my arms.
I held her in my arms and sat down in the rocking chair, trying to calm her down. She was furious and scratched me directly with her hands.
When I was scratched for the first time, I had an unreal feeling, as if I had been punctured.
Subconsciously I grabbed her hands and said to her, You can’t grab your mother!
Strength was limited, she became more angry and struggled continuously. I let him go and tried to hug her again.
She took the opportunity to continue scratching me and grabbed me many times. She felt that her fingernails were embedded in the meat. It was very painful. I cried with pain.
After the emotional breakdown, try to reconcile with the baby.
After the first cry, my mood suddenly collapsed. To his gentleness and firmness, I threw her directly into the rocking chair, sat on the ground and began to cry aloud.
It was really crying, especially wronged, especially angry, especially collapsed.
I happened to face the full-length mirror in the bedroom. After a few seconds, I calmed down a little and looked at myself crying hysterically in the mirror. I felt very detached, wronged and funny.
As an adult, I still have to solve the problem after crying, and Hongdou sat beside me watching me collapse and was stunned.
Ahem, I still have to end it.
I showed her my wound. On my face and canthus, there were blood marks scratched by five or six fingernails. At first, they were pink and not obvious. The next day, they showed a frightening reddish brown.
I said, you scratched my face. I was very painful, very painful and very angry, so my mother cried, but my mother still loved you very much. Let’s make up.
Red beans just didn’t speak, but also didn’t resist, the in the mind must be a lot of awkward.
I continue, it’s very late now, we are both very tired, it’s time to go to bed, now my mother will take you to brush your teeth, after brushing your teeth, you must go to bed quickly, otherwise you will be late for kindergarten tomorrow, you will not be able to go out to play with the children.
Red beans still didn’t respond.
I picked her up and took her to the bathroom. I let her stand on the small bench, open her mouth and prepare to brush her teeth.
At that time, the red bean iceberg loosened. She leaned against me and said, Mom, I want to make up.
I said, well, I also want to make up, my mother apologizes to you, I’m sorry, my mother shouldn’t lose her temper at you and shout at you, can you forgive me?
She said, I’m sorry.
I said, Mom said sorry to you, can you forgive me?
She said, yes.
I said, it’s your turn now. You scratched my face. My mother is very painful. You also have to say sorry to me.
Red bean said, I have already said.
I said, you have to be serious, you have to say, I apologize to you, can you forgive me?
Red bean said, Mom, I’m sorry, can you forgive me?
I said, I forgive you, we are reconciled.
She also seemed relieved and said, Mom hugged.
The two of us hugged and pulled the hook, and we almost hugged and wept.
After that, brushing my teeth, washing my face, wiping Xiang Xiang and changing clothes went smoothly. Red beans made a request and my mother accompanied me to sleep.
I also want to have a good resumption of trading with her, calm the emotions of both sides, and agreed.
The two of us were lying in bed. I talked about our conflict, her practice and my thoughts from beginning to end. Red Bean did not say a word in the whole process and her breathing was smooth. I thought she cried for two hours and now she was tired and fell asleep directly.
However, I still want to say that it is better to sort out my thoughts.
Unexpectedly, after I finished speaking, Hongdou said in a low voice, I’m sorry.
I said, I have forgiven you, we are reconciled.
Red bean said, Mom, do you know? A good friend cannot be angry.
I said, you and mom are good friends, aren’t you? However, good friends will also be angry, but good friends will make up when they are angry. There is also a volcano in my mother’s belly. Today, my mother’s volcano exploded and Hongdou’s volcano exploded. We are all very angry, but we will make up after we are angry, right?
Red Bean said, Mom, the balloon will not explode.
She should have remembered that we once bought a hydrogen balloon in a wildlife park. The balloon seller said that it was filled with helium (not necessarily right) and would not explode. Red beans remembered that the balloon would not explode.
Hongdou said that there was a volcano in his stomach. The volcano was very angry, the elves were also very angry, and the train was also very angry.
I said, some balloons will explode, some balloons will not explode, and the balloons that will not explode will slowly become smaller. When the volcano in our stomachs explodes, we are very, very angry, but when we are not angry, we can make up.
Red bean said, Mom, I have a good idea. Next time we are angry, let’s cook a bowl of angry soup.
I said, this is really a good idea.
Red Bean said, Shall we cook ourselves a bowl of angry soup? When we are angry, we take a pot and two spoons. We can cook a bowl of angry soup together.
Hongdou said, like a little brother, then we won’t be angry.
Red bean said, we cook a bowl of angry soup, then we can drink angry soup, we are not angry at all, so decided!
I said, OK, that’s it.
Hongdou added that the children in the kindergarten were angry and Grandma cooked them a bowl of angry soup. We shouted at it and we wouldn’t quarrel.
In the dark, I was very moved to hear that she had found a solution.
The next morning, as soon as Hongdou woke up, he said to me, Mom, I’m sorry.
I hurriedly said, I have forgiven you, we are reconciled, mother hug.
After that, I went to brush my teeth, wash my face and go to the toilet. She went to play by herself.
After a while, she came to me. Mom, my fire can’t be opened. Please help me.
I went over to check and found that the switch in the kitchenette could not be turned on, pretending that the red light of the fire was not on. I gave her a few twists and opened fire. She put the toy pan on the stove and said, Mom, I’ll cook you a bowl of angry soup.
Today’s breakfast was not only regular food, but also angry soup made of red beans. She filled it on two plates (don’t ask me why it was) and urged me to drink it.
During the day, I still had an appointment. I hesitated for a moment and set off with the injury on my face.
Although this fierce emotional conflict takes effort, it is not a bad thing to solve it. There is nothing bad to see, so I have the cheek to go out.
After returning home, she brought red bean a small bag and rabbit hairpin as gifts. She liked it very much and showed off excitedly to everyone she knew. She turned into every familiar shop to show off. I was also very gratified to see her like this.
Now, red beans often see the injury on my face, will feel very guilty to say, I’m sorry.
I will also pretend to be generous and tell her that my mother is no longer in pain. (In fact, it still hurts a little! )
This fierce mother-daughter conflict is over.
Reflection after Conflict
After reflection, I did not do well in many nodes. The subconscious reaction after people were trapped by emotions hurt people and hurt themselves.
As a mother, there is also anxiety about time, such as going to bed before 9: 00/10: 00.
Red beans were supposed to go to bed at 9 o’clock, because I was in a hurry to catch up with the time, but the final time to fall asleep was even later. It was almost 10: 30, so-called haste makes waste.
There are several lessons:
1. Do not force the expressed wishes to change.
No matter whether the red bean is reasonable or not, the cause of the matter is whether it is a book or not and whether it should be thrown away.
She made it clear that she would not throw it away, but I just had to argue with her whether it was a book or not, and the whole thing was missed.
Pamphlets with pictures and articles are books in her cognition. It is really unnecessary for me to twist them. Although there are many books in my family, there is not enough room for two pamphlets. Forcibly persuading people will only resent them. Two-year-old children also have their own courage and uprightness.
2. Emotion to emotion, reason to reason.
Hongdou’s post-event reflection was actually wonderful, that is to say, her grasp of the matter was actually no problem. Awkward, twisting and resistance were all the confrontations after I tried to make her [understand the truth].
People don’t listen to the so-called truth when they vent their emotions, and small fart children are no exception.
When you have emotions, you should wait for her to vent, accompany her through, and reason hard. In fact, you are more vulnerable to passive attacks, such as indifference, or active attacks, such as scratching.
At the moment when emotions are generated, relief is the most important thing, and the moment of rational analysis is left for resumption of trading.
3. Emotional management is in normal times.
The solution given by Hongdou is very valuable when resuming the dish, and her understanding and thinking of emotions are also right, which shows that the reading and infiltration effects at ordinary times are still there, but she still needs more practice in perceiving her emotions and self-persuasion.
From the dialogue with her, I found that the two books < < Feifei was angry > > < < Angry Soup > > had a great influence on her and had the best internalization and absorption. It was very helpful to help her understand emotions, identify emotions and reflect on emotions. The usual efforts were not in vain.
Conflict is a fierce communication. It is also a good thing to gradually recognize the boundaries and the bottom line of the other party from each communication.
The most profound revelation, with the lesson of blood, don’t take bean bags as dry food, even the youngest child has three points of gas.
Parents have no instructions for raising them. They try and make mistakes step by step and resume trading from time to time. They hope that they will not make mistakes and miss their lives.
It’s stressful.
Author’s Note:
When I was quarrelling with my baby in the bath, I left the bathroom, but I didn’t go far and watched at the door.
Here, parents are reminded not to leave their children alone in the bathtub no matter how angry they are.
Author: Red Bean Mother, Master of Linguistics, Love Infant Language Psychology, Explorer of Infant Education, Stumbling and Growing up Together with Red Bean.
This article starts with the public number [Mother’s Red Bean Porridge].