Editor’s Note:
The cruelest thing in the world is where will you go.
This is the story of a girl who recalled spending the last 2 years of her life with her mother suffering from liver cancer.
The article is sad, but it also reminds us to cherish the people around us, take every moment of life seriously, and don’t leave regrets for ourselves.
The full text has 3,436 words. I hope you can read it patiently.
01
For a long time in my life, I became a person who was especially afraid of death.
My mother, at her age of 46 and at my age of 16, found liver cancer and actively treated it for 2 years, but she still left.
The year she left, she was 48 years old and I was 18 years old.
I am not the one who suffers from cancer, but I am also facing catastrophe. I accompanied my mother through the two years of hope and despair at that time with fear.
It happened on an ordinary weekend afternoon. I came home and saw my mother busy in the kitchen. I was puzzled why she didn’t do that year-round job today and washed at home.
My mother smiled and said, “It’s all right. I went to have a check-up in the morning and had a rest at home in the afternoon.” Probably still young. I was childish and could not detect anything unusual.
Mothers all over the world are gifted liars. They say that they only like to eat fish heads. They say that they are calm when they have nothing to do. They weave so flawlessly.
I didn’t realize what until I suddenly broke into my mother’s room and saw the pile of soaked paper towels beside the computer desk.
My father called me to the bottom of the building with a gloomy face: [you are not small now, and want to say something to you. Your mother, she…… had an examination, it may be liver cancer.]
Photo Source: Movie < < The Most Beautiful Parting in the World > >
My brain suddenly went blank. I didn’t know liver cancer meant what, but I knew the word [cancer] was equivalent to the existence of death.
[Don’t go up for a while, go out for a walk, your mother is so strong, don’t cry in front of her.]
That day, I went to my friend’s house and cried all afternoon. Although my friend told me countless cases of cancer patients recovering, I still felt that I would be ready to say goodbye to her every day.
Every day, I have to rehearse the parting scene.
02
In the process of cancer, the most difficult thing to do is to pretend.
The patient pretended that he could still carry, still wanted to live, still wanted to work hard, and was still very strong. While accompanying the patient, we pretended that our emotions were not out of control, pretended that we believed very much, and pretended that we were not afraid at all.
After all the examinations were performed and the dust settled, the trust relationship contacted the best attending physician in Hangzhou to prepare for tumor resection, which required one-third of the liver to be removed.
During that time, I was in the closest contact with the hospital.
In the ward, the aunt hanging the urine bag who groans in pain every night; An uncle who talks very little and visits very few people. A young bald boy who has undergone many chemotherapy treatments.
On the other side of the corridor is the obstetrics and gynecology department, and the cries of newborn babies can be heard late at night.
The other side is full of vitality, while the other side is calm and decadent.
All forms of life can be seen here.
My mother’s operation was late at night. After she pushed it forward, I waited at the door of the operating room all night.
The moment my mother was pushed out of the operating room, my father and uncles surrounded me. I stumbled to keep up at the end of the crowd.
Photo Source: Movie < < The Most Beautiful Parting in the World > >
The doctor told the adults some things, and the nurse was teaching me how to wipe my mother’s blood clot lips with a cotton swab dipped in water.
I shivered my hands and looked at my mother, who was in a coma with her mouth half open. After wiping for a while, my tears burst the bank. Aunt urine bag said with a weak breath: “You child, what are you crying about? Your mother’s operation was quite successful.”
Finally, I could no longer help crying in the corridor of the hospital. All the nervousness, fear and excitement were completely released at that moment.
That year, my mother’s liver underwent a major operation, and my heart seemed to have been reorganized.
03
I always thought that as long as the operation was successful, my mother would live longer. But I don’t know, in the next two years, death will give us the last time to get along.
I think of my father saying in the elevator: “As long as you can save your mother’s life, you will continue to treat it even if you smash pots and sell iron for liver.”
It’s just that we didn’t even have the chance to change liver in the end.
The excision operation is only the beginning, followed by phase after phase of chemotherapy. Every month, my father and uncle take my mother to Hangzhou.
Every time my father comes back, he always shows me with a little pride how he takes good care of his mother and how brave her mother is. He does not cry out for pain when the chemotherapy needle is inserted into the spinal cord.
Everyone didn’t tell me the worst result. Every time the test form was reviewed, it was quietly hidden. They whitewashed everything very well, so that I could study at ease.
Even in order not to let me worry too much, I took advantage of the bad air in the city to send my mother to menstruation’s home in the countryside for recuperation.
One week, my father took me to meet my mother. The test form and report can be hidden, but a person’s emaciation is really manifested in his body and cannot be hidden.
Cancer cells are continuously rising and ascites has not decreased. My mother told me several times that my arm cannot be lifted and I feel pain.
Photo Source: Movie < < The Most Beautiful Parting in the World > >
Yes, cancer cells are beginning to metastasize.
It was getting darker and darker, and the light was disappearing bit by bit, but none of us said it, because we all knew that we could not bear the result after saying it.
Until that day, when I met once a week, I was under the building. My father went up to accompany my mother and soon came down to call me, saying that my mother was blaming me and did not go up to look at her. I immediately squatted on the ground, nosebleeds and tears came out together.
The mess of life is just like this. You are blaming me, but I don’t know how much courage it took me to make the decision not to go up and see you.
I know I will shed tears when I see you, but I don’t want to shed tears in front of you at all.
Photo Source: Movie < < The Most Beautiful Parting in the World > >
I have learned all the advantages of you, strong, optimistic and persistent, but I have not learned courage.
04
Soon, parting will really come.
My mother no longer lives at home. She must be under constant supervision in the hospital. With my father’s eyes lost and my family hesitating to me, I gradually realized that what was helpless.
I think of years ago, there was a heavy snow in this small town in the south of the Yangtze River. I stood by the river for a long time. Cotton wool-like snowflakes fell into the river and disappeared instantly.
I have imagined countless scenes in which she might leave me, but I have never thought of such an ending.
Memories are like snowflakes poured from all directions, squeezing into my head. My mother is inarticulate, but she has tried her best to say goodbye to me in the past two years.
She criticized me for not doing meticulous housework, and I talked back. She choked me up and shouted at me: “I’m gone, who will teach you these things in the future!” ]
She was obviously very tired, but she always prepared lunch on time and delivered it to the school gate. I became the most enviable one in the class. Everyone said, “Your mother’s food is really delicious!” ].
She knew that one meal would be less than one meal. Later, when others went back to their mother’s family and her mother cooked, I would never have it again.
Photo Source: Movie < < The Most Beautiful Parting in the World > >
She saw my math failure paper and even if she was angry again, she never scolded me. She didn’t want to spend her last time angry with me.
She was even busy arranging my life with my father and whispered to him privately: “If I leave, you will find another one. You are a big man who can’t take care of girls.”
Adults’ farewell is not serious. They are all quiet and quiet.
She began to slowly not remember that I went to the hospital to see her, wanted to go to the toilet, and began to take off my pants and squat down halfway through. She began to vomit blood in the middle of the night, and her consciousness was vague. She began to forget everyone, and she began to suffer.
Photo Source: Movie < < The Most Beautiful Parting in the World > >
I was the last to arrive at the hospital. My father tried to control his mother who was in pain in the hospital bed. All the relatives present were red-eyed. It was really shady, so he hid quietly outside the door.
I stood in wait for a while, and she should not be called by everyone. When I shouted [mom], she should say [ah], my voice is getting louder and louder, and she deserves to get louder and louder.
She doesn’t even remember what, but she still remembers being a mother.
My cousin held me in her arms and I trembled and cried.
When my mother’s consciousness was vague at the end of her life, she only left one sentence: “In this life, I live in what!” ]
05
People have a blip. My mother was in a coma for a day and a night. At six o’clock the next morning, she seemed to be awake.
Only the whole body failed, and her throat could not make any sound.
I knelt in front of her. Her eyes were open. Due to jaundice, yellow tears flowed out of her eyes and panted.
I said I would take good care of her favorite flowers and plants, I would take good care of my father, I would take good care of myself. She finally closed her eyes and sighed.
Her life, really, is over. Everyone but me began to cry.
Photo Source: Movie < < The Most Beautiful Parting in the World > >
Perhaps it was demonstrated over and over again in my heart, perhaps the sadness was too great, and I only felt that a war was completely over.
She, the general who fought the enemy to the end, died in battle, while I, the lieutenant, survived and became a survivor. We entered together, but she failed to retreat with me.
06
This year is the sixth year she has left me.
In the past six years, I have heard the most comments about me as strong and optimistic. However, few people know that my future life will be full of the assumption that [if she is still there].
If she were still here, would she speak what dialect to me?
What kind of life would I live if she were still here?
If she were still here, would she not like the boyfriend I was talking about?
If only she were still there!
I think that the lives of all [cancer survivors] like me are half clear, see through the world, half gloomy and full of regrets.
We experience where will you go and advise others to live in the present. There is no other great event in the world except death and life.
That’s because we are filled with regret and envy. I hope you can cherish every moment of the moment.
One person suffers from cancer and the whole family suffers from cancer.
We survivors are not necessarily lucky. Just like coming down from the battlefield and missing a brother who lived and died together, you will remember the pain for the rest of your life.
Some people ask me, after experiencing such things, has life changed in what?
I came up with a little story, and I want to take this as the answer to this question:
Someone asked me if I ever missed my mother. I said, no, life is really busy. But soon, I changed my mind again.
My mother has been away from me for almost four years. I seem to be used to it and I am not used to it. The days are still taken.
Until one day, I went to the bathroom to take a bath, forgot to bring towels and underwear in, and blurted out, “Mom! I forgot my towel! ]
However, no one responded for a long time.
When I came out of the bathroom, I suddenly hid my face and burst into tears. Only then did I know that my mother was really gone.
Photo Source: Movie < < The Most Beautiful Parting in the World > >
Now more and more people begin to pay attention to the health of themselves and their families, because the age of many diseases is getting younger and younger.
In fact, a cancer afflicts not only the patient himself, but also the patient’s family and friends. This kind of pain will be embedded in a person’s life.
Are we [cancer survivors] living how’s life?
We did learn from that battle and that hero how to face the next life firmly and how to treat the world suddenly.
However, we will always suddenly recall that I accompanied a person to a disease at some inadvertent moment in our life, at some moment in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, this person is gone.
Author of this article: Liu did not have anything. Liu did not have anything to follow the king into the world.
This article starts with: King Catherine (ID: loveairenzhi) Chattering & Weibo @ King Catherine, Personal Micro Signal: Niuwenshiwo123
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