You are patient and talk about picture books [with both voice and emotion]. The baby can’t sit still for 3 minutes and runs around the house.
You have taught the four numbers of 1, 2, 3 and 4 for more than half a year, but the baby just doesn’t know that 4 is bigger than 1.
… …
Most of the time, mothers are very helpless and feel that they will never be at the same point as their babies.
Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to teach things that the baby will do after a while.
Sometimes the baby can’t understand the simple truth.
Do mothers feel exhausted but helpless? So how can we educate our babies and lead them to grow up?
First, follow the law and develop naturally.
The growth of a baby has its own laws of natural development. Each step of development has a corresponding time area, and learning each skill also has its most suitable period.
Regardless of the baby’s development rules, artificially speeding up the pace of learning may disconnect the baby’s ability from his psychological development, and the result is often difficult to meet your wishes (because the baby cannot do it …).
Even, frequent failures may also hit the child’s self-confidence, make him afraid of difficulties and unwilling to continue trying, and make [I am not good] [I am not capable enough] form an automatic thinking, which will affect the baby’s exploration of the world and the development of his own ability in the later period.
The baby’s learning ability gradually improves according to his own growth. This progress needs to follow certain objective laws, such as:
The reason why the baby can’t listen to the story quietly is that the baby has almost no directional concentration before the age of 2.
Generally, it is not until the age of 2.5 that the baby will have some internal energy. Before, let alone let him sit quietly for 3 minutes, even for 1 minute, he may not be able to do it.
Therefore, the baby will not show disobedience from the beginning, but will show emotional behaviors after continuous attempts and failures, such as disobedience, crying, refusal to cooperate, etc., setting an unattainable high requirement, and anyone will be unhappy.
Know that education is to awaken children’s potential in their hearts, help them find what they want to do most in their hearts, and help children find the driving force for growth. It is more important for them to know who I am than who they are.
Therefore, following the normal law of the baby’s learning and growth can make the baby think more actively and behave more creatively, and can also reasonably preserve and stimulate the child’s development potential, which is very important for the baby’s growth.
Second, establish equal relations
Parents should treat their children as independent individuals based on the belief of freedom and equality-they are all independent themselves, not our accessories or belonging to us. They need to be able to grow up in their own way.
What parents need to do is to respect their emotions and handling methods first when problems occur, and to help them grow up in the form of cooperation, so that they can control their lives in an independent space.
For example, a baby who is ashamed to meet strangers, when the family guests come, if you force her to come out to call people in order to show that your child has a tutor, the result will only be two situations, either reluctantly accepting or refusing to leave the door, and the atmosphere will be very embarrassing.
But if you can casually say, “Oh, is my baby thinking, is it better to call you aunt or sister? ]
If you can give the little guy a step instead of forcing the child, it will be easier for the child to take the step [donkey down the slope].
Adopting the above methods can not only ease the embarrassment, but also make the child feel your respect for her [don’t want to call people] emotion, thus reflecting on a better way to deal with it.
Three, when it’s time to shoot
Different ways to help children have different educational results. Sometimes too much guidance or help will not only damage children’s concentration but also make children dependent.
For example, a 2-year-old child will already choose to find his father when he cannot open the soda bottle cap. When your clothes are wet, look for your mother. 2-year-old children can already seek help according to the characteristics of different adults.
Once the baby becomes dependent, There will be a lack of motivation to complete the overall task independently. Most of the time, the completion of a task requires the baby to try repeatedly or master the core of skills according to the prompts. Once the baby forms the habit of asking adults for help whenever there is difficulty, the chance of the baby to try independently will be reduced, which virtually weakens the motivation of growth.
The purpose of education is to finally enable children to have the ability to complete tasks independently, and to conform to the law and gradually stimulate their potential.
Psychologist David Wood believes that adults should act as [scaffolding] for children to grow up:
- When the child is clearly in trouble, parents should provide help immediately. When the child does well, he should reduce the help and enlarge the space for him to complete independently.
In a word, it is wrong to follow these two principles and never go to extremes. Power control and laissez-faire attitude are all wrong.
How to implement it?
In practice, we can learn from the theory of “Zone of Proximal Development” put forward by behavioral psychologist Vygotsky, that is, to guide children to take a small step and jump to harvest fruits at their current level.
For example, if we want to teach our baby to eat by himself, we need [three small steps]
Initial stage: get guidance and help
First of all, we will show the babies some bowls and spoons, [these are for eating]. Then, we will classify and tell the baby what we can eat and how we will [start] so as not to become [big face].
This initial stage requires the guidance and assistance of adults, demonstrates how to do it, and completes it together with the children, so that the children do not know how to do it.
Strengthening process: continuous practice/trial and error
Next, we will let them practice by themselves and give them the chance to [try and make mistakes]. At this time, what we need to prepare is an oversized bib and an oversized [patience]. Don’t correct (interfere) too much.
This stage is the best time to cultivate children’s concentration and independent personality.
In this process, parents need to make it clear that in the process of trial and error, if the baby does not finish the target meal, then eat as much as possible, and so on, don’t give anything else before the next meal. Only let the baby bear this [natural punishment] result, no additional punishment is needed.
Advanced Upgrade: Independence and Innovation
This stage is a qualitative change process. Children have fully mastered the essentials of eating, can complete the task calmly and have autonomy. Maybe they can use the existing [tools] to solve such technical problems as crayfish and peanuts with shells.
Task decomposition will bring continuous impetus to the growth of the baby. Step by step, the child will be successfully taught the essentials of eating.
This example shows that if you want to make long-term progress, you must set [suitable] small goals and give you a certain chance to try and make mistakes repeatedly. The baby’s potential also takes root and sprouts in this process. Maybe you will be pleasantly surprised one day.
Every baby has unlimited possibilities. Parents should inject more patience into the baby’s growth, follow the regularity of the baby’s growth, protect the baby’s motive force, and make the baby walk more easily on the road to possibilities!