I believe everyone has more or less encountered the following scenes that make people collapse:
In the quiet cinema, Xiong Haizi kicked the back of the chair and cried loudly.
On Zhihu, a question about [how difficult is it to destroy a Xiong Haizi? ], but also received 16W attention, gave birth to nearly 1.5 W answers.
It serves to show that the public has suffered [Xiong Haizi] for a long time.
In fact, when we complain about [Xiong Haizi], we are essentially saying that children are indifferent to the awareness of rules.
For example, they do not understand the rules in public and shout at random. Do not abide by the school’s rules and regulations, do not listen to lectures in class, do not do homework after class; At home, there is no big or small, work and rest are chaotic, etc.
In fact, there are no born [bear] children, only undisciplined parents. Since childhood, they have not set rules for their children. When they grow up, society will certainly teach them that what is the rule.
Too early to establish rules for fear of strangling children’s nature, too late to worry about affecting character development. Parents should know the two principles of setting rules for their children.
Principle 1: Rules should be established after the age of 2 and before the age of 6.
Before the age of 2, children do not have the awareness of rules, and lack the ability to understand and control behaviors. Parents usually say that what is what. At this time, parents do not need to set rules for their children in a hurry.
After the age of 2, children begin to enter the sensitive period of rules. At the same time, they also begin to gradually have the sense of autonomy and preliminary judgment, entering the first independent period.
At this time, as long as parents discipline properly, the child will gradually grow into a self-disciplined person from the process of [challenging the rules] to [willing to cooperate with the rules after being reminded] and then to [abiding by the rules without reminding].
However, the establishment of rules also pays attention to the validity period. Li Meijin, a well-known psychology expert, once proposed that children must be given good rules before the age of 6.
She gave two vivid examples. A 3-to 4-year-old boy was making trouble with his parents, just rolling on the ground. But when the child is 14 years old, he can run away from home and commit suicide by jumping off a building.
It is too late to establish rules after the age of 6.
Principle 2: Establishing Rules Needs Gentleness and Firmness,
Many parents will say, I will also set rules for my children, but why doesn’t it always work? Parents can reflect on whether they have observed the two principles of establishing rules-gentleness and firmness.
Gentleness means that parents should control their emotions, not be angry, and reason with their children in a calm tone. While disciplining children, let them feel love.
Long-term discipline through beating and scolding will only make children timid and cowardly and low self-esteem. Firmness means that once the rules are established, parents cannot compromise at will.
For example, parents have made a good rule with their children to watch cartoons for only 20 minutes a day. But when the 20 minutes are over, the child wants to watch them again and starts crying endlessly. Parents compromise after the child cried for 10 minutes.
In this way, the child will know that he can threaten his parents with crying, and next time he will only intensify his efforts, crying for 20 minutes or even half an hour.
Set up good rules and children will benefit from life.
Many parents are used to using parent-child communication, deception, violence and other methods to solve the problem of child-rearing, but this can only solve the contradiction temporarily, and the next time the child may clamor for toys and cry to watch cartoons.
Establishing rules is to solve the problem from the root, help the child grow into a self-disciplined person by cultivating his self-control ability, and establish the internal rules that benefit him for a lifetime.