Starting from the combination of X chromosome and Y chromosome, gender differences are inherently preset in genes. Therefore, as early as in the mother’s body, the brain structures of male and female fetuses are already quite different.
The development speed of boys’ brains is obviously slower than that of girls’ brains, while the connection between the left and right hemispheres of boys’ brains is less than that of girls. Similar differences lead to differences between men and women born with them.
This is why we often find that girls’ language ability develops earlier, while boys’ spatial perception ability is often stronger.
From the inside out, from visible behavior to invisible thinking, boys and girls are naturally different. It is also because of this difference that under the influence of the current popular upbringing culture in society, we will always stereotype all girls into one appearance intentionally or unintentionally, while all boys are stereotyped into another appearance, but this is not always correct.
Recently, a father whose son was just a freshman in high school called me almost every day to tell me about his troubles and seek advice. Because he found out that his son had been in high school since he entered the first year of high school. I am no longer [masculine]. I spend more time with girls. I even often go shopping and eat with them. I even buy all kinds of cosmetics. I always have to carefully adjust before going out. I even use the way of [keeping a diary] to express my emotions and record my mood. Moreover, my ideal in the future is to become a fashion designer.
The parent and the child have had many conflicts over such issues, which will eventually end with the child crying loudly and slamming the door.
The father was very angry about the child’s behavior, but the reason was too simple and crude: [I just don’t think he is like a man! [Because he believed that real [men] should not cry or make noise, but should be decisive, bold, fearless and brave, instead of paying attention to appearance, indecision and sentimentality.
It is true that his children may need help, but the father is unwilling to change his view that there is also a problem with the perception that every boy should grow up to be a straight steel man.
Perhaps, our family and society today have strict requirements for boys to be [manly]. These standards are irrefutable, but they do not reserve enough time and space for boys to grow up.
Not all men exude the same strong hormonal breath as Stallone, Schwarzinger and Bruce Willis. There is still considerable diversity in the male population-Hawking is male, Lang Lang is male, and Mo Yan is also male, but none of the three of them is like the [real steel man] who wishes to overturn a car with one blow in the movie.
In the process of boys’ growth, parents always have a blueprint for the future of [a man], but this so-called [a man] may be mixed with the gender bias given to men by society: a man must quickly understand how to become a concrete and open man, otherwise he cannot survive.
Throughout the ages, many families have been using this kind of upbringing method, but the excessive influence of this upbringing culture has greatly increased the risk of hurting children.
Too much emphasis on being a child [man] will inadvertently hurt the child.
The so-called boy-he is not only a man, he is also a child. Most of the time, parents let their children be men, not requiring their children to behave like men, but requiring their children to grow up instantly.
Whenever I have to take my child to the health service center for vaccination, I always feel headache. It is not because my son is unwilling and uncooperative, nor is it because he is at risk of crying and being difficult to appease.
On the contrary, except that the injection will cry out for pain three months before birth, he can show calm and calm beyond his age at other times, like a fearless soldier. Therefore, every nurse or doctor who gives him the injection can’t help boasting afterwards: “Great!” How brave! ]
What really gives me a headache is the cries of other children and the reprimands of some parents around me. I remember when my son was 3 years old and was queuing up for the vaccine, behind us was a little boy who was estimated to be about 3 years old. The little boy was crying, his nose was running full of tears, and he was out of breath and screaming: “I don’t want an injection!” I don’t want an injection! ] The boy’s mother stood awkward, while the boy’s father angrily pointed at the child’s nose and shouted, “Cry what Cry! Don’t cry! Cry every time! Boys are still afraid of injections, so shameless! ]
On our side, I will hold my son in my arms and say to him, “Baby, it hurts a little, but it will be over soon. Come on!” ]
In the vaccination hall, parents yelled at their children, but as a result, the children were still afraid or crying.
Between such intense negative experiences, if there is a repeated and deliberate emphasis on [masculinity], do you think children will feel how about [becoming a man]?
When we ask boys to move closer to [men], we often forget the fact that they are still children before they become mature men. Sometimes the demands on children’s [masculinity] are actually unrealistic coercion.
Before the child is 3 years old, he does not need to overemphasize his gender.
Once I went shopping, I saw a boy of two or three years old who saw a pair of pink shoes and refused to put them in his hand. He liked them very much. However, the parents were very nervous-[you boy, you like what pink! Put it down! ]
It is true that boys have an almost natural closeness to many toys: cars, trains and flashing pistols. However, this does not prevent them from taking some interest in some other toys.
It is not that children will be denied when they come into contact with things that society thinks are not suitable for their gender. We should protect children’s gender nature, and we should also protect their curiosity.
The vast majority of children’s knowledge of their gender will be on the right track in the society and environment, and will not increase the risk because they have seen a pair of pink shoes more when they are over two years old. During his growing up, his social and personal experiences will help him to build up his knowledge of gender imperceptibly when his parents cannot see it.
We should not emphasize gender preference education, but strengthen gender exchanges.
Instead of constantly stressing to children that [boys should be what], it is better to teach them [how to communicate with girls as boys].
The establishment of men’s behavior comes not only from the simple piling up of [I should be a what], but also from the understanding and communication of people of different genders. I have seen many families who keep saying that they want to cultivate [men], but their mothers take their sons to the bath every night.
Appropriate contact and communication methods with girls are even more compulsory courses for boys, which will make them realize more three-dimensional that [boys] should look like what.
Respect for women, maintaining appropriate standards when communicating with women, and proper gentlemanly etiquette are all indispensable elements in boys’ education.
Let fathers take more children. Words and deeds are better than words.
Many families like to emphasize to their children [you are a boy, you have to help your mother carry things]. But did father help his mother carry things? Maybe my father is very busy at work and has no time to go shopping with my mother, and I haven’t had a chance to show my male model in front of my children for a long time.
The meaning behind the boy should not be instilled in words, but should be accompanied more by his father.
The National Fatherhood Initiative, NFI) disclosed the results of a series of research by the association in their book “Father Facts”. They found that boys who had more in-depth and positive experiences with their fathers had better development during their growth: There are fewer misconduct, higher mental health, lower crime rates with age, significantly lower risks of substance abuse (smoking, drinking, etc.) and early sexual behavior, and even better academic performance.
An important function of the father as the pillar of the family is to cultivate another qualified pillar of the future through coexistence with his son.
Perhaps many fathers don’t know how to accompany their children, but some studies have proved that as long as you have two-way communication with your children, instead of just sitting and watching TV or criticizing him unilaterally-almost all father-son interactions have positive effects.
From outdoor sports to joint jigsaw puzzles, it can help boys cultivate independent character, so that children can feel love and strength.