We can’t help urging our children.
It’s already very late, go to bed quickly!
Finish the meal quickly and don’t play with toys!
I’ll go out immediately, put on my coat quickly!
After becoming parents, time is always not enough. We always like to urge our children to do something. Children dawdle, eat slowly, sleep slowly, wear clothes for half a day. Seeing in the eyes, their hearts are anxious to go up to heaven.
Push, it is likely that the more push, the slower, and there will be a fire.
Don’t rush, watch the planned things will be late.
In fact, we need to understand the children’s dawdling before we can solve the children’s dawdling.
Children before the age of 3 seldom deliberately dawdle.
No matter 1-year-old or 6-year-old children, they will instinctively please their parents. Parents request that children do what they can.
Generally speaking, children before the age of 3 seldom deliberately dawdle. If children do things slowly, there are usually two reasons: insufficient motivation or insufficient ability.
First, the motivation is not enough, that is, it is really not interested in the matter. For example:
1. Today’s meal is not delicious, or if you are not hungry, the baby will eat slowly.
2. I hate the chilly feeling of taking off my clothes, so I refuse to take off my clothes for a long time.
3. If the bath water splashes into the eyes and is uncomfortable, you will drag it away from taking a bath every day.
4. Sleeping is even more boring. What can’t play once the lights are turned off, so it can be delayed for a while.
Second, the ability is insufficient, and I can’t think fast.
For example, the mother wants the baby to put on clothes quickly in 2 minutes, but the baby’s fine movements are not yet fully developed, and it takes 2 minutes to wear socks.
In addition, the baby’s memory and attention are very limited, and it is easy to wear them. Suddenly, he is attracted by other things and forgets that his clothes are not finished.
The most fundamental [lack of ability] is that children have no concept of time.
Unlike adults, all children before the age of 3 are [living in the present].
The area in their brains responsible for planning is still very immature, and they cannot have the same concept of time as adults. They understand that when this matter is finished, there is still the next thing to do, such as:
When walking on the road and seeing a bunch of ants moving things, the child will stop to find out and forget that he has to go to early education class.
When you see a bird falling out of the window, you will run over to say hello to the bird and forget to continue eating.
In their eyes, they can’t understand that adults have been anxious for what, because only adults will always plan for a rainy day and plan for the future, while children will not.
Therefore, urging the child or reasoning with him and telling him [there are XX things next] is not only useless, but also confusing to the child.
Compared with urging, the more effective method is to understand and respect the child’s slowness, find out the reason and suit the remedy to the case when the child dawdles.
Only by understanding the reason why children dawdle can the problem be solved.
1. Not interested, not motivated enough? Tell him [xxx, xxx]
For example, children run aside to play with toys while eating, which is typically not so hungry and not interested in eating.
Don’t say [no toys] at this time, because the more you stop, the more children want to play.
A more effective way is to tell the child [finish the meal first, then play with toys] and help him abide by this rule.
This method is applicable to all situations [when a child delays doing something and it has to be done].
For example, parents can say to their children [eat first, then watch TV], [take a bath first, then tell stories], [sleep first, wake up and then play], and then do what they say.
Parents insist on doing so, and children can remember and imprint these rules deeply in their subconscious mind and form good habits.
This is also a way to teach children to learn time management and define priorities.
Children have the consciousness of distinguishing between primary and secondary since childhood. After attending kindergarten or even reading, children can do [finish homework before playing].
2. Lack of ability and slow progress? Simplify Tasks
There are two ways to simplify tasks:
- Adjust the difficulty of the task and give only one instruction at a time.
Some children do not want to wear their own clothes, because they feel that they cannot wear them well and it is difficult to wear them.
Parents can only let their children wear one dress at a time, while we will help them wear the rest. When the child can wear a piece of clothes skillfully, slowly add the instructions to 2 or 3 pieces.
At the same time, because children’s memory is limited, [giving only one instruction at a time] can make children concentrate more on one thing.
If you want your child to wear socks and shoes, you can do this:
At first, just say [find your socks].
When the child found socks, he encouraged him: “It’s too strong, as fast as lightning!” ].
This task is completed, and then [now, go and find the shoes! ].
Only one instruction is given at a time, and it is not easy for the baby to wander halfway.
When sleeping, too, don’t say [we are going to brush our teeth and wash our faces to sleep], instruct one by one, let the children [say goodbye to toys] first, and say [now, let’s race to the bathroom! ] When you get to the bathroom, start giving new instructions.
Excellent parents will find a rhythm suitable for themselves and their children.
Although the above methods can reduce many children’s dawdling, they are not omnipotent.
If the mother is impetuous and the baby is slow, these methods cannot make the baby as effective as the mother.
Therefore, it is still necessary for parents to think about which things we should stick to and which things we can respect the rhythm of our children and find a compromise rhythm suitable for ourselves and our children.
For things that you have to stick to in principle, such as [you can’t leave the table until you finish your meal] and [you must go to bed before 10 o’clock at night], you need to insist on telling your children [first… then…] to drive their rhythm and help them form good habits.
For things that are not in principle, we’d better let our children follow their own rhythm, such as:
When traveling with friends on weekends, know that the child is slow-tempered, so don’t gather too early to give the baby more time.
When eating, eat less and add more. Under the condition of avoiding cold rice, let the baby eat slowly according to his own rhythm.
Children are not quick to urge. Excessive urging may be understood as accusation by children, which makes children feel that they have not done well enough and affects children’s self-evaluation and self-confidence in time management.
On the issue of principle, we must gently adhere to it.
For non-principled issues, we might as well take a small step back in advance to give our children some space to find their own rhythm and allow them to take their time.