When our children reach the age of 3-5, there may be a period that makes parents struggle. During this period, the children’s language seems to be [very yellow and very violent], always saying [I will kill you], [I will eat you], [I hate you] and so on, and even swearing, such as:
Scene 1:
One weekend afternoon, My mother held three-year-old Xuanxuan to meet and chat with her best friend in a cafe. My best friend and aunt like Xuanxuan very much, Always teasing him, But Xuan Xuan did not like this overly enthusiastic aunt, However, my best friend aunt didn’t seem to care. She still teased Xuanxuan all the time. At this time, Xuanxuan became impatient and suddenly said loudly at her aunt, “I kill you and hate it.” This made Xuanxuan’s mother especially ugly. My best friend aunt also froze there and didn’t know how to deal with it. Looking at the strange eyes of the guests at other tables, everyone was extremely embarrassed.
Scene 2:
Five-year-old Duoduo has been watching Piggy Page for an hour. Grandma, who has been taking care of Duoduo at home, is worried that watching too much TV will affect her eyesight, so she told Duoduo to turn off the TV and accompany her to buy vegetables. However, Duoduo refused and was deadlocked, so Grandma had to turn off the TV strongly. At this time Duoduo [broke out] and shouted at Grandma, “I hate you, you go!” This made Grandma very sad and went back to the house to wipe away tears.
There are still many similar phenomena. The occurrence of this kind of situation may not only make parents sad and at a loss, but more importantly, the problem is especially serious. Parents will worry about how to educate their children if they continue to develop like this. Today we will have a good talk about what’s “curse sensitive period” for children.
Curse Sensitive Period: When Words Are Poor
After the child enters the age of 3, he gradually enters the peak period of speech development and emotional development. During this period, the child’s language has made rapid progress and development. At the same time, advanced emotions such as shame have gradually begun to sprout.
However, it felt like a little joke by God. At this time, although children can understand almost all the words, the words they can speak are still relatively poor, and they will not use rich and colorful words to describe a thing, which requires children to go through a longer period of time to gradually learn (this is why we still have Chinese composition classes until high school).
However, the new development of more complex and strong emotions, and the urgent need to use a lot of surprise words, to express this has produced a contradiction. Children’s language expression and their own emotions will have deviation, which is the key reason why children will say malicious words-the language material in their heads is not enough.
Why did you choose to say harsh words,
There are three main reasons why children say harsh words during the sensitive period of curse:
1. Express your strong negative emotions eagerly.
At this time, children will probably learn words such as [I hate you], [die], [roll] (from various romantic dramas or movies) [kill you] (from unqualified children’s cartoons such as [bear infestation]) and so on by absorbing a lot of TV, Internet information and adult chat information.
Children will easily find that when the person who said these words is angry, Sadness and other negative emotions will say these words when they occur. Imitation is the best learning method for children. So when you are also very uncomfortable, When you need to express your strong negative emotions, it is easy to imitate the words you learned before to express yourself, but in fact you don’t know exactly what these words mean for what, let alone how the people around you will feel.
2. Attracting Parents’ Attention
At the same time, when babies start to express such words several times before, they will easily find that very [malicious] words are easy to attract other people’s attention or prevent other people’s behavior (such as the scenes mentioned at the beginning of the article).
For example, when a child imitates and says a [malicious word] for the first time, his parents are sad or angry. These [fresh] reactions may make the child feel very interesting, and he will want to try another way to say the malicious word again to see if adults will have what reactions.
Step 3: Fun
When children are already quite familiar with adults’ reactions, they will use this kind of words to attract adults’ attention and attention, or use adults’ sadness to achieve their own goals (children do not have adults’ moral sense, think very much, and will not feel how hurtful this sentence is).
How do parents educate
1. Seriously, you lose
Many parents will wonder why their children want to [kill] or [hate] their parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters. Why do you say these excessive words? The simple reason is that these words can attract adults’ attention or arouse what they want to see, and children themselves do not quite understand that these words really mean what.
Therefore, at this time, parents should simply regard this behavior as an behavior to be observed and corrected. If it rises to emotion, anger may hurt their children. For example, many parents will say when they hear these words: “You actually say that to me, do you know how hard it is for me to raise you?” ! ]
This kind of threat is said too much, adults will certainly not take it seriously, but if children take it seriously, they may have a lack of security and cause more behavioral problems, which may actually make children 2. Don’t intervene in a hurry.
When we find that children do not say these words to adults, but occasionally say them when playing with toys or joking, or just say them occasionally to parents like joking, parents can divert their attention without any feedback.
However, it is necessary to further observe whether such language habits have been formed at ordinary times. Because if parents give feedback immediately, being black-faced or showing unhappiness will actually make children feel that parents have responded and interacted with their jokes, and will say it next time.
3. Use of family rules
In addition, when children use words to attack others, often intentionally, parents can set family rules and implement them gently and firmly. Let children realize that when they say these words, things will happen to them that make them uncomfortable. For example, when they say such words, they should reduce the time watching cartoons at night, or perfect washing dishes, etc.
4. Acceptance of communication
After executing the rules, The child is negatively stimulated by his behavior (a bad result, For example, after watching less than one episode of Piggy Page today, We also need to find a suitable time (such as the time before going to bed that night) to communicate scientifically with our children. However, each child has different points, and it is the parents who know the children best. Therefore, parents need to find out the appropriate ways and means to chat with their children. However, if they do not know how to communicate at the moment, they can refer to the following steps:
Step 1: Accept Children
We should pay full attention to the child’s real emotion of saying malicious words at that time: [Did you say that sentence only when you were particularly angry today? [You must have been very upset at that time, weren’t you? ]
Step 2: Tell others how they feel
[But if you say so, your mother will be very sad. My mother loves you so much, but you will kill my mother. If my mother dies, won’t you be very sad? [If the person you love very much says this to you, are you also very sad? ]
Step 3: Inform the Family Rules
[So our family made this rule to prevent our loved ones from hurting each other. So today we implemented this family rule.]
Step 4: Looking ahead
[What should we do next time the baby is still angry or sad? [Can you give it a try? We can attack the pillow? Or [Can you tell Mom directly that I am very angry? ]