At first, I heard of this wayward mother’s practice, and my first reaction was that it was [fooling around] and that my children were not allowed to attend kindergarten. How can this be done?
Later, after reading the experience written by the mother herself, I admired her calm and calm from the bottom of my heart.
What do the parents think of letting their children enter the park at the age of 5? How did the children educate during the two years when they did not enter kindergarten? Let’s listen to her story.
Tong Tong did not attend kindergarten when he was 3 years old and did not enter the kindergarten until he was 5 years old this year.
During this period, some families could not accept our unique choice. Some friends worry that we will delay the child and affect her future development. Some people also admire the commendable courage and the different growth of children.
Someone once suggested writing an article on the topic of [not going to kindergarten], but I couldn’t write it.
First of all, we are not denying kindergarten education and confronting it, but we have not gone for the time being.
Secondly, we also hope that children can experience kindergarten, even if only for one year. This can not only satisfy a child’s psychology of needing companions, but also lay a good foundation for some habits in primary school.
The most important thing is that Glacier and I have been changing dynamically about going to kindergarten. We have not been determined to go back, but we have not been entangled for three days and two ends.
Ordinary parents also have their own calculations,
[Admission at the age of three] is now standard for almost every child. When the child is two years old, parents will start to work on the admission of the child.
Before Tung Tong reached his third birthday, Glacier and I pondered the conditions of our family and found that going to kindergarten was not the way we wanted to go most.
At that time, Glacier had just changed jobs to Shanghai, and my daughter and I stayed in Nanjing. If we go to school in Nanjing, the two places may be separated for more than a year, and the love and security we have been trying to create will be hit hard.
The kindergartens around us belong to two extremes: either Nanjing’s top provincial authorities, Gulou Kindergarten, or ordinary community kindergartens.
One of the best can’t get in.
Even if you go in with all your heart, how do children survive in it is a difficult problem! How can a 3-year-old child face the complicated situation that we cannot avoid ourselves?
I don’t want to go to a kindergarten that is too ordinary.
All the reasons for not going are excuses. If you dig deeper, there will be more elements of reluctance. The child has always been raised under the concept of [love and freedom], unwilling that she immediately followed the trend when she was 3 years old. I am also afraid that ordinary kindergarten teachers are mediocre and my small partners are not ideal.
In the end, we decided to wait and wait until her mind became more mature before joining the kindergarten.
With Glacier’s points, children can attend school in Shanghai. As long as there are places, they can join classes.
The question is, are there any schools? Are there any places? So the worst-case scenario may be that you can’t go to kindergarten.
Many people have misunderstanding that [children cannot attend kindergarten or primary school at all] and that we are delaying children.
I don’t know other places in how, but at least there is no problem in Nanjing and Shanghai. Kindergarten does not belong to compulsory education. After arriving in Shanghai, I also repeatedly asked and verified with the Education Bureau, [in case the child cannot attend kindergarten, the shadow will not affect the entry into primary school? ]
The staff of the Education Bureau clearly replied: [It doesn’t matter].
Of course, under the harsh competition in Shanghai, people will not care whether you can only go to the market primary school. Fortunately, we don’t mind this.
If you think of the worst result, you can accept it. What is what afraid of?
Decided not to enter the park first, persuading yourself is the most difficult.
No matter how many reasons and objective reasons we have, no matter how we move forward at our own pace, our hearts are not calm and unchangeable.
Most of the time, they are firm and occasionally waver: will this harm the children?
Psychologically, everyone is a master of seeking benefits and avoiding disadvantages. Under the condition that the reality cannot be changed, in order to make ourselves feel better, we will do everything possible to convince ourselves that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
However, often one side has just tried to convince oneself, and the other side has to deal with other people’s questions or kind suggestions. It is not easy to reply to others, and the heart construction that I have done for a long time begins to collapse again.
The elderly in the family can’t accept it.
My father is easy to worry, and there is another kindergarten in his neighborhood.
Every time I took Tong Tong to play, he heard the children studying and doing exercises with the teacher in the morning, and he couldn’t stand it. He began to say to me: You see how poor the children are, and I felt sad when I saw them. She should have gone to kindergarten happily like this.
I said, [why don’t you think differently? People’s parents have no time to take care of their children, so they have to send them to kindergarten. Think about it, when other children are locked up in the house and read “Peach Blossom Pond is not as deep as Wang Lun’s love for me”, your granddaughter is either eating leisurely, playing with you in the park, or traveling around the mountains and rivers. Maybe other children envy her! ]
I secretly felt sad in my heart: [Even you are sad to see it. Is her mother-in-law and your daughter what’s mood? You say your emotions and feelings, comfortable. What shall I do? How long will it take me to calm my heart? ]
Glacier also has to deal with his parents’ pressure, [children haven’t gone to school yet, haven’t gone to school yet, go to school-]
I speculate privately that the glacier, which has always been optimistic, should have grown white hair at this time.
We have a tacit understanding: his parents’ doubts and criticisms are handled by him, and my parents’ criticisms will be dealt with by me. His friends explained for themselves that strangers he met outside could not explain.
When you don’t go to kindergarten, you should also teach attentively at home.
Not attending kindergarten does not mean being idle. Friends who are familiar with glacier and me know that we are not herding sheep. We are teaching our children some things, and what we teach most is what we lack in our own growth and is very important.
1. Pay attention to language expression
I have always treated her as an adult. Since she was very young, I have been used to communicating with her and telling her:
[If you want to be what, you need what. If you want to say it, no one can know it without saying it.]
[Language is our tool of communication, crying is not.]
[Crying can occasionally give us something, but it is not a normal communication tool.]
STEP 2 Cultivate the habit of independence
Eating, brushing your teeth, bathing and dressing are all your own affairs. I can help you do some of them, but in the end you have to rely on yourself.
STEP 3 Be grateful
No one has the obligation to help you except parents. If others help you, you must be grateful. Even if it is something you don’t need, you can say you don’t need it, but you still have to thank it.
4. Exercise and cultivate the quality of perseverance.
I usually take her out, walking or taking public transportation as far as possible near the place. One section put on a sports bracelet for her and found that she could easily brush 10,000 steps. Encourage her to roll and crawl and play various sports. Good sports can bring her good health and confidence.
She learned to climb the pole and climbed it when she saw it. Showing off one’s skills is also a good opportunity to make friends.
Once, when she climbed up the pole of the fitness equipment, two boys older than her looked up and said, “Can you guess why she can climb up?” Because she is lighter than us! We both have to lose weight before we can climb up. They don’t know how long Tong Tong practiced his arm strength to climb the pole.
Almost all her activities are spontaneous, and we will not force her to do exercises.
She can do what she likes. Sometimes it seems dangerous. We will not stop it, but we will pay attention to her safety.
5. Often go out for a walk to broaden your horizon.
When we are free, we will take Tung Tong to various occasions, go to various places to have a look, gain insight and input image memory. I took Tung Tong back to Grandma’s house, and she would take to the streets to help Grandma sell vegetables, take vegetables, pack bags, weigh and collect money and change like a model.
There are some things that she may have seen and forgotten, but there are always some things that remain in her memory.
You have to ask me that it is what. Frankly speaking, I don’t know, but one day, they will definitely show up in some form.
Pinyin, literacy, English … I don’t think it matters
A friend said, [It’s really good that you have the time and mood to take care of your children], saying that I must have taught her better than the school and must have taught her a lot.
Thank you very much for your praise. I am very ashamed. I am not [sure] at all. I always explain carefully: in fact, I am not confident that the school teacher can teach her well, and I have not taught her culture.
Many things [should be taught] were not taught to her, such as Pinyin and Chinese characters.
Children less than one year older than her can already read Journey to the West. Only then can she know [heaven, earth, people, upper, middle and lower].
When many children can already speak many English words and sentences, she will only talk nonsense and think she is speaking a foreign language.
It is impossible to say that we do not envy or worry, but we have our own principles.
The friend said, “Then why didn’t you teach?” ]
I said, [It is easy for me to teach her, but it is difficult to keep it.] I taught [a] [o] [e] once and was approved by the glacier for several days.
If I want to teach her how to read, it is no problem to know a large number of Chinese characters soon. If you want her to recite 300 Tang poems, her memory is not a problem.
But think about it at her precious age, in the words of the psychology teacher, [one day is worth one year], would it be too wasteful to memorize by rote?
There are many things more important than this that have not been done yet.
I don’t know what other people think is what. I think foolish play, going to the fields, boundless imagination, vast world, study habits, rules and regulations, ideological and moral cultivation, sports activities, mental health and so on are all important.
I want to put a bright background on her life. I hope these years will become the source of her life’s progress.
I hope she is sensible, warm, healthy and happy, instead of having secular success in the future.
I would rather say [fish jumped out of the water] when I asked Oracle literacy card [tears] was what, than simply answer me with a correct pronunciation.
Of course, I am not preventing the child from reading. Don’t miss it when the child is sensitive to reading. You can teach her in lively and interesting ways. She is interested in Chinese characters now and has the will to read characters. I will spend more time doing it next.
It is happy not to go to kindergarten, but also happy to go to kindergarten.
No matter how much pressure we need to bear for the choice of not attending kindergarten, we will try our best to digest it ourselves and not bring this anxiety to our children.
The idea we imperceptibly give our children is that we should live happily regardless of whether we go to kindergarten or not, and it will not make her feel that not going to kindergarten is a big thing.
When we didn’t go to kindergarten, we won’t specifically say how good it is to go to kindergarten, but try to weaken the concept of kindergarten. Of course, we will not deliberately belittle the kindergarten in front of her and say that the kindergarten is not good.
After going to kindergarten, I will publicize to her more about the advantages of going to kindergarten and the disadvantages of wandering alone. In fact, I don’t need to say much about what, because the delay was too long, and as soon as she entered kindergarten, she immediately indulged in it.
In her heart of hearts, she will feel that whether to go to kindergarten or not is just a choice. When others ask her, she also said happily every time, yes, I didn’t go to kindergarten. Do you ask me if I am happy? Of course I am!
When people ask about going out to play, I will answer lightly: Yes, we didn’t go to kindergarten. I won’t explain too much. Sometimes explaining means guilty, certainty is more powerful, and a person’s mood and state can really infect and affect others.
Once she was sent to a dance class and met another mother. She overheard that Tong Tong did not attend kindergarten and immediately said, Wow, you are too calm. This is Shanghai, which mother is not Alexander. Quick, I want to add your WeChat.
Later, many family members and friends were infected by us, and they thought it was quite good for us to do so. Even the stubborn and orthodox father stopped struggling.
My sister and brother-in-law said that Tong Tong is really happy. Now the children are under such great pressure and several have such childhood as her. In the future, our children will be raised in this way.
Of course, we also have regrets: she has children to play with, but there are no fixed children.
Because she has few friends, she is very nostalgic. The children who played when she was two or three years old still remember the names of others and say that the other party is her good friend. This, glacier and I always hear a little sour.
Because of this, we have been looking for opportunities for her to change classes since we arrived in Shanghai.
Therefore, when listening to someone’s appeal not to go to kindergarten, I don’t particularly agree with it. If you can find a fixed playmate for your child, it is OK, otherwise you should go to it. After all, four or five years old is already the age when she is especially eager for companions. She needs to learn from her companions and gradually go out from home.
This youth, finally as expected
After Tung Tong’s 5th birthday, I felt it was even more necessary to enter the park.
We don’t get along as smoothly as before, and occasionally we get tired of seeing each other. Moreover, I also began to worry that her excessive freedom and unrestrained will affect her future entry into primary school.
Joining classes is not so easy, especially when the timing is not good and all aspects are limited. After hitting a wall several times, we have prepared for the worst-we can’t go to kindergarten and go directly to primary school.
However, happiness often comes unexpectedly.
At the beginning of September, when other children entered school, we didn’t receive the admission notice. In this case, I decided to take my children to run wild and have a painful time if I want to play.
However, we did not give up our efforts. Tung Tong and I played in the rear and Glacier tried in the front. Before receiving the call to enter school, our painting style was like this:
I visited the ancient villages in southern Anhui, picked tea and learned to stir-fry tea. In two days, I will go to the mountain village to experience it and take her to climb Huangshan again.
This is a plan [disruption], elated immediately take the high-speed train back to Shanghai.
After returning to Shanghai, he quickly met with the teacher, submitted materials and had a physical examination… From then on, Tong Tong entered the public park near his home and started a new life.
Sometimes, you try your best but cannot force it, sometimes opportunities come unexpectedly.
This is how she joined the class and entered the park. Everything went better than I expected. The teacher and the life aunt were kind and responsible.
Teachers will tell parents that they need not deliberately teach their children things too early. Before they go to primary school, the pressure is not great, so they take their children out for a walk and see the world.
I am surprised that these views coincide with me.
Knowing that she had not attended kindergarten before, the teacher said tenderly that she could go to kindergarten for half a day at first and then for the whole day slowly.
But she didn’t seem to need any adaptation. On the first day I went to pick her up. She smiled and jumped up and down. She said to me in a voice that had never been seen before: Mom, I like kindergarten very much. I like kindergarten very much…
Although the teacher didn’t say it, I knew they were helping her silently. I can feel that the teacher is very patient in teaching her some habits and helping her according to her advantages and disadvantages.
When asking questions, seeing her raise her hand actively, the teacher will often call her to answer the questions. Even if she does not answer well (she comes back and says that she sometimes fails to answer completely and forgets the answer), she will still give encouragement. This keeps her interest in raising her hand to answer the questions.
The classmate is very sensible, just went to report that day, I was chatting with the teacher, and immediately a little girl came forward to hold her hand and called her to play together. After school, out of the classroom door, the children always called her name very kindly. Very happy, this year accompanied her is such a small partner.
One night before going to bed, we talked a lot about kindergarten. Finally, she said, it’s really good for my mother to go to kindergarten. You see, I can still talk to you about so many things about kindergarten.
Yes, it’s nice to go to kindergarten.
I said you like what in kindergarten.
She said,
I like teachers.
I like my classmates.
I like teachers to teach us how to do handicrafts.
Like teachers, call me up to answer questions.
I like to play toys with my classmates.
I like everyone to hang up their coats together after entering the classroom.
… …
I found out that she loves everything about kindergarten.
This youth finally got what it wanted.
I hope our children can live with such love forever. Love warmly when you love, play happily when you play, and study hard when you study.