Every time I publish an article about the baby’s sleep, I will receive such messages from mothers: Can the baby sleep with the elderly? Who does the child sleep best with?
After chatting with several mothers, they all mentioned a current situation without exception: all the babies in the family sleep with the elderly, and also mentioned an online hot article < < Who does the child sleep with, which has affected his life > >.
The contents and conclusions of the article are as follows: children and the elderly sleep, affecting mental development; Children and mothers have better personalities when they sleep.
Is it really that serious? Who does the child sleep with really affect his life? We found Mr. Qin Nan to interpret it.
Who the child sleeps with has little to do with character formation.
Mr. Qin Nan first gave everyone a reassurance.
The growth of any child’s character is a complicated and long process. It is difficult for the development of character to determine the final development direction because of one thing.
If it is said that who the child sleeps with will affect his life, will it affect his life if the child eats and plays with whom he eats and plays every day and coexists with his teachers and classmates in how every day?
Children will be closer to whoever they sleep with from an early age, which will have a certain impact on the parent-child relationship.
However, it cannot be said that whoever you are with will affect your child’s character and life.
Children and the elderly sleep, will affect mental development?
For this point, we must justify the old people who have worked hard to bring their babies, which is obviously impossible.
-The old man needs more oxygen, will he take away the children’s oxygen?
Not to mention whether to open the window for ventilation when sleeping at home, is the oxygen requirement of an elderly person higher than that of two adults?
-Many germs exhaled by the elderly are easy for children to get sick when they inhale them?
If it is a hidden danger of respiratory diseases, adults are equally likely to suffer from respiratory diseases. Besides, children also eat and play with the elderly during the day. If there is any influence, it will also be affected, won’t it?
This conclusion is more like a forced conclusion to convince oneself not to let the old man sleep with her.
Well, since this statement does not hold water from a scientific point of view, why do many mothers think it is [very reasonable]?
That’s because, as the baby grows up, mothers are aware of a cruel problem-children who sleep with the old man are closer than they are to the old man.
In fact, it is the mother who does not want the old man to take the child.
Children who sleep with their mothers will have better personalities?
This is the same as the previous article. There is no evidence that children will have better personalities if they sleep with whom.
My children have always slept with me, and I feel more obedient than other old people who sleep together and bring up children.
That’s because children who sleep with their mothers will have higher intimacy with their mothers and will naturally listen to their mothers more.
Although the child has nothing to do with the mother’s excellent character, the mother’s company, especially sleep company, is very important to the child.
For children, there is an irreplaceable intimate connection with their mother from the moment they are pregnant in October. For children, the more stable the object (important caregiver) of attachment relationship, the better. In all attachment theories, the first object of care for children is not even the father, but the mother.
- As the earliest feeding object, the mother can give the child a stable and continuous sense of security, which no one can match with the mother. In the early stage of the newborn, the mother can give the child the most convenient care and nursing, and in the period of attachment relationship establishment, this kind of life care and psychological and emotional satisfaction are all important periods to strengthen and consolidate the parent-child attachment relationship. Mothers can provide their children with a sense of security with long endurance. Because in the first 18 months, children trust the world mainly through the image of their main care objects. Only by getting enough care and emotional satisfaction can they have trust in the people around them, otherwise they will have fear and doubt in the world. The mother can accompany the child, and at the same time, she can appease the psychological state of the mother and the child, so that the mother and the child can get out of the anxiety of adapting to the environment more quickly.
Therefore, if the mother is busy at work during the day and has no time to accompany the child, it is also a good way to accompany the child to sleep besides playing with the child when she comes home. It is also a good way to use the sleeping time to talk, look at picture books and cultivate intimate values. Let the child know that although the mother goes to work during the day, she loves herself best.
As long as the old man sleeps with her, what should I do?
It is an ideal state for parents to accompany their children as much as possible during their infancy, but for many practical reasons, parents have to temporarily entrust their children’s growth to the elderly. How can we re-establish the parent-child relationship when children grow up from generation to generation and are absolutely attached to the elderly?
Xiao Bao, who is over 4 years old, has just been promoted to the middle class in kindergarten. Because his parents are busy at work, Xiao Bao has always slept with his grandmother, thinking that the child is getting older, so his parents bought Xiao Bao a small bed and wanted to take her back to the same room to sleep in separate beds.
However, since the plan to divide the beds began, the obedient Xiao Bao has changed like a different person. He has to find his grandmother when he cries and does not sleep at night. He has climbed into her room several times and cannot sleep well at night. He also cries in kindergarten.
Can’t, finally had to let grandma sleep in the master bedroom, accompany Xiao Bao through this period of bed adaptation.
Watching Xiao Bao take Grandma’s hand and fall asleep, Baoma felt sad and helpless…
From the story, we can find that Xiao Bao’s parents have to go to work, and the main caregiver in recent years is Grandma. The child has formed an absolute dependence on Grandma in life and emotion.
When parents suddenly proposed to separate beds and sleep separately with grandma, the children first felt various negative emotions such as anxiety, danger, fear and fear.
At this time, parents will inevitably doubt [whether it is because they sleep with the elderly that they are so pampered]. However, the [disobedience] shown by the children is precisely the [distress signal] sent by the children in the process of adaptation.
Parents can understand their feelings, but what they should do is to tide over the difficulties together with their children and find a sympathetic and gradual way to go through the transition. Instead of accusing children of disobedience, they should not blame the elderly who have worked hard for their children’s growth.
Children grow up only once. If they miss it, they must find ways to find it back. It takes a slow process to return to the most important position in their hearts.
However, there is no need to be too anxious. No matter how much company the old man has, he cannot compare with his father, especially his mother. All you need is time and patience.
Sleeping with children is only a small aspect in the process of growth. The key to making children feel happy is not the time of companionship, but the quality of companionship.
When I am with my children, I spend my time with them, playing with toys, reading picture books, laughing and slapstick, and even doing nothing. As long as I let my children know: my parents are by my side, they are all watching me and accompanying me, and they love me very much.